Changing My Story

Bushwalking

2011-09-20T22:29:00.001+09:30

For our latest bushwalking adventure, click here!

Definitely the absolutely best way to make me happy and peaceful!! I come alive when we bushwalk through any kind of nature.

Aaaaahhhh…..

A sign

2011-09-13T15:26:00.001+09:30

I started to realised this morning, that I like coming home from work and watching my favourite show and snacking. I have spent years uncontrollably overdoing this action and not wanting to do it. This was always my addiction, the thing that I needed to change in my life. The activity that I would completely stuck in and not be able to claw my way out of. But now that I am feeling my story beginning to change over the last few days, it dawned on me that I my attitude behind this activity is starting to change. Coming home and chilling for a while is my downtime after work. And now that I have focused goals though my charting activities, there is always something that I am keen to do after an hour (or one show!)

So I realised that instead of stopping the snacking that I enjoy, I simply need to swap what I eat. I have enjoyed getting colourful, healthy food prepared and ready for a photo and this is all I need. I can still enjoy this time and not feel guilty about it. Things are changing.

And then the freakiest thing happened after work while I was watching a recorded TIVO show. A new advert came on TV. Normally I fast forward through the ads, but I was distracted with something else and heard this. “You don’t have to stop it, swap it.” What was that???!!!

It was an new advert for healthy living, saying exactly what I had concluded just a few hours ago. What the??!! Talk about receiving a sign. This just confirmed for me that it is okay to indulge in this relaxing. It is good for me, it is what I enjoy and it’s okay now because my attitude behind it has changed. Enjoy beautiful food – good enough to be photographed!

I am quite flabbergasted by this turn of events. I just love receiving signs.

The end of the week

2011-09-10T21:17:00.001+09:30

I started a new little project today – photographing all the food that I eat each day and then turning it into a collage. It certainly makes you accountable for what you choose to eat.

Do I really want to photograph that? No? Well I can only eat what I photograph, so no eating that!
How can I make this plate look really nice? Add some lettuce and tomatoes. Looks much better and healthier!

On reviewing the day’s foods, I realised that I need more vegetables during the day. This project will be great for me and hopefully another way of finally achieving my goals and becoming happier and content with my life.

It will also be an opportunity to sort out some more photography skills. Some of today’s shots were a bit blurry – I’m used to photography outdoors not indoors, so I looking forward to getting better at that. Turning my plates into works of art is also an interesting way of eating well and bringing more colour and visual appeal into my meals. This is fun! And it covers my creative activity for the week.

I’ve continued to work on my table, with some more weeding, hedging and cut up fruit and veg. It was also great today to feel well enough to get back to walking. There are a few things I haven’t done and need to do tomorrow – sanding and the cross trainer.

Being in the two-week wait (see pregnancy blog), I’m a bit nervous to go to Curves, just in case. Probably irrational, but there it is. I’m not taking any chances.

The activity I am most pleased with is the weeding and hedging. It is so great to begin getting on top of these tasks.

The activity I am least happy with is the fruit and veg. But I’m excited about my new food project and believe that will help a great deal!

Overall, this new project is beginning to give me a sense of getting on top of my life, of being the person that I want to be and feeling pride and a sense of achievement. I am grateful to be in a place in my life where these things are working for me.

ACTIVITY	ACHIEVED (week starting 5/9)
Weeding	Tuesday, Saturday
Hedging	Friday
Curves	Not this week (2 week wait)
Walking	Saturday
Cross Trainer
Non-regular household chore	Monday
Sanding (painting preparation)
A creative activity eg. Scrapbooking	Saturday
Blogging	Monday, Tuesday, Saturday
Keep cut fruits and vegies for snacks	Monday, Thursday, Friday
Geocaching	Getting to know how to do it – Tuesday Finding some - Saturday

Two more beginnings

2011-09-06T20:09:00.001+09:30

Today I got out in the garden to do the weeding. It wasn’t necessarily a good idea, still being sick. It was cold and windy out there! But I ended up doing a good hour. It’s funny how you always know that once you get started, you just get into it and keep going. I’m grateful that this new plan of changing my story has brought about the motivation to get started!

I don’t think I will be doing anything else on the list today, but to have made a start on the weeding is great.

I have added a new activity to the chart today. Geocaching. If you don’t know what it is and are curious, here is the website. The activity is right up my alley and I have been meaning to do it for months. I have gotten organised on it today and have planned a few nearby caches to look for. Once again, the goal is to find at least one cache a week.

Yesterday’s non-regular household activities was cleaning all the bathroom doors, tops of the tiles and all the hard to get to places that the mopping misses. Of course, in doing those activities, I saw so many more non-regular activities to do! Lots more opportunities to change my story.

I find myself disappointed with today. I have no reason to be. The weeding and finally getting ready to geocache are big steps forward. I think it’s about the need to get back to exercise and to always eat the cut fruit and vegies. I’m about 80% better now, so I should be able to get back to regular exercise soon. I’m sure that will make a big difference.

ACTIVITY	ACHIEVED (week starting 5/9)
Weeding	Tuesday
Hedging
Curves
Walking
Cross Trainer
Non-regular household chore	Monday
Sanding (painting preparation)
A creative activity eg. Scrapbooking
Blogging	Monday, Tuesday
Keep cut fruits and vegies for snacks	Monday
Geocaching	Getting to know how to do it – Tuesday

A beginning

2011-09-05T17:50:00.001+09:30

Due to still being sick, I haven’t been able to begin today as I would have liked. However, there has been some small progress.

As I wondered around the house tidying, I found myself being grateful for things laying around the house so that I had the opportunity to put them away. At times I can get annoyed at continually having to tidy up and having to clean up after others. But today, I was grateful. These things give me the opportunity to begin to change my story. In the case, to one of the joy of taking care of my home, of making it a continual journey of cleansing and activity. Things laying around mean activity and the pleasure of keeping it keeping it neat and tidy. Of gratitude for my home and the beautiful renovations that we have done. Activity and the peacefulness I am looking to find within that.

And I have been doing my best to keep eating cut up fruit and vegetables. It has been intermittent. Yet, as I write this, I feel inspired to continue to do so even more.

I also feel inspired to find one of those non-regular household chores and do that. Just a little one, but one that I often see and mean to do but don’t get around to it. I’m off to do it now.

Writing today’s post has been a blessing and a motivation. I am grateful.

ACTIVITY	ACHIEVED (week starting 5/9)
Weeding
Hedging
Curves
Walking
Cross Trainer
Non-regular household chore	Monday
Sanding (painting preparation)
A creative activity eg. Scrapbooking
Blogging	Monday
Keep cut fruits and vegies for snacks	Monday

CHANGING MY STORY

2011-09-04T16:48:00.001+09:30

For Years, I’ve been trying to change my story, without actually using those words. But I heard these words again this week and something about them struck a chord in a completely different way. I need to change my story.

There is happiness and positivity in my life. But there is also a darker, underlying side that runs through all aspects of my life and needs to be changed. I have written for my own journal a long appraisal of this dark side of my life, but I find myself not able to post it here. It is raw and it is negative and is not where I want the focus to be. So, for the purposes of creating the story, I have just written a little bit for Part One. Part Two is the best bit, because that is me beginning to make the changes and THAT is my focus and is what puts a smile on my face.

PART ONE – THE OLD STORY

The one thing that controls all of my life and how I feel about it, is my eating disorder. My weight issues, food addictions and all that goes along with them, filters through and negatively affects every aspect of my life. From wanting to prepare for our wedding, to getting dressed in the morning. From socialising with others to feeling good about myself. From my career to my home life. There is a sadness to everything.

This needs to change. I desperately need it to change.

There are so many things that I want to do but I just can’t get it together to do them. It seems to be all I can do to just get through the day and come home again. Because once I’m home, I just want to hide away and shut down. But this is not what I want for myself. I want to come home and still have an active brain. I want to come home to the joy of my own activities. I want to come home to my own life’s pleasures.

It’s time to change my story.

PART TWO – THE NEW STORY

The plan is two-fold.

One - is to have a weekly list of things I want to do and make sure I do all of them at least once. I don’t have to finish the activity, or even do it for very long, I just need to do it – at least once.

Two – is to feel daily gratitude for the wonderful things that are in my life, and to focus once again on being positive.

All of things on the plan, at this stage, are things at home. Because that is what I want most of all, to awaken my home life, to be active in the home, to do all the little things that need doing, to get out in the garden, to do the little things, and create even more of a welcoming, warm and cosy home than we already have.

Step by step, my story will change. Recording it here will not only keep me accountable, but will help me to see my progress and see how things are changing. And it means I can share it with you, which is such an important thing to do.

And so it begins...

ACTIVITY	ACHIEVED (week starting 5/9)
Weeding
Hedging
Curves
Walking
Cross Trainer
Non-regular household chore
Sanding (painting preparation)
A creative activity eg. Scrapbooking
Blogging
Keep cut fruits and vegies for snacks

Back once more.

2011-03-30T17:38:00.001+10:30

[I’ve put this post on both my blogs, with just a different last paragraph for each!]

An email from Flower Power Mom, sent me to my blog again today after two months of quiet. And of course, the timing is interesting.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my hobbies and interests and how I am missing them. I know this is related a lot to my journey through Marianne Williamson’s book “A Course in Weight Loss”. There has been a small but noticeable shift away from addictive routines and rituals and this has left me with a bit more time to think about the things I love doing in my life.

Lately, life has just been about surviving. Getting through the day and then having the necessary time that I have needed lately just to do nothing, to have down time, to eat. But the last few days I have been feeling unfulfilled and, lets face it, plain boring, by not indulging in all the things I love – bushwalking, photography and blogging – to name the main ones.

And, aside from my addictive routines, I’ve been wondering how much of this is related to being in a relationship compared to being single. I seemed to have much more time and headspace to indulge in my interests when I was single. Not that I would ever want to go back there, not at all. D is the best thing in my life and I never want to lose what we have together. I just need to also find the headspace for the other things in my life that make me who I am, as well as having the time that I love for our relationship.

The funny thing is that, aside from blogging, my other two interests are also D’s interests. Two of the first things that drew us together! So, why aren’t we continuing to indulge in these loves together?

I know a lot of it, for both of us, is time and the demands of work, particularly for D. And for me, it is also the desire to simply be with him. For example, I no longer go walking early in the morning, because I love cuddling up in bed for a while and then eating breakfast together before D rushes off early in the morning for work. And by then, I need to be getting ready and heading off as well. And for the last few months, my own addictive problems have prevented me from being able to exercise after work.

A couple of times over the last week, we have gone out for a walk together early in the morning, but it is tough to do that. We have to wake up extra early. So, want I need, is to find that place within me again that motivates me to go to the gym on my way home. Somewhere in me is the old energy that wants to get out and go places and do things – that wants to blog and connect with others over the net – that wants to take beautiful photographs.

At least I am blogging today!

On the plus side, D and I have filled our weekends the last few weeks with renovating our home. We are painting, building walls, sanding, planning, shopping, looking at home ideas shops and magazines. It is so very rewarding. We have redesigned the layout of our home and are getting a new and bigger kitchen. We are also getting some new furniture and completely new flooring (carpets and wood floors) throughout the whole house. We have been planning it all for over a year and it is wonderful now to be putting it into action.

Obviously this takes away from some of the time I would usually use for walking and photography, but the renovating has only been the last few weeks, and doesn’t count for the last year or so!

So, here I am, developing new rituals and routines that no longer revolve around eating and I am deeply feeling the things that are missing in my life. I do feel a sense that they are on their way to returning and I am looking forward to that.

Perhaps that means blogging more regularly. Hopefully it also means walking through the sand dunes, the nearby conservation park, and the “millions” of stairs that go up and down the coastline. And taking my camera for it all!

In terms of Creating Peaceful Thoughts, all this is definitely doing that. Without the burden of so many addictive rituals and behaviours, there is a much greater sense of peace within me. And a sigh of relief escapes my body! All I can do now is continue to develop this new routine of coming home that I have which is much healthier than my old routine and to continue working through Mariannes life changing book, “A Course in Weight Loss”.

Going mad with clutter clearing.

2011-02-15T16:17:00.001+10:30

I’m finding myself angrily clutter clearing wishing to just clear any and all crap from my house. I want stuff gone, I want less weight around the house, I want less weight on me.

Last weekend saw me clutter clearing in a really positive fantastic way. It was a true sign that things are shifting in me from doing the Lessons in Marianne’s book.

I found myself clearing out my spare wardrobe of clothes. You know the clothes! The ones that you are waiting to get into. The ones that are there just in case!
I went through the whole wardrobe and am donating two chockablock full garbage bags worth to the local secondhand recycling store.

I am absolutely convinced that it is the work that I have done with the first two chapters of Mariannes book that has brought me to this place of being able to, wanting to, absolutely needing to clutter clear that wardrobe. It was a thorough cleansing and releasing. I only kept clothes that I absolutely love or that have sentimental value.

I felt such a sense of release. And gratitude!

I didn’t expect to move into this angry phase! Grrr… I could just pick everything up now and throw it in the bin. But, of course, rationality comes into play and I know I need to sort.

I think the frustration also comes from the fact that we are trying to renovate and keep coming up against road block after road block. I am going mad. Not being able to choose the house paint colours in particular is sending me loopy. I am so ready for change in the house and we can’t just jump into it.

Give me cleansing, give me new, give me fresh. I want it now!!

Okay, back to the sorting…

Surrending

2011-02-04T16:53:00.001+10:30

I find myself coming here because I have nowhere else to go. This blog isn’t meant to be about my struggles. It’s meant to be about finding the good and the peaceful and the joyful in my life.

I haven’t kept my promise. I found myself saying “I’ll start tomorrow, Saturday is a good day to start”.

Marianne Williamson’s book has shown me exactly what the problems are. Perhaps that is why it is so hard right now. It’s all at the surface.

Well S.H.I.T. Is this the crap I am going to tell myself today? That it is the process? It has been bad for the last few weeks. Not just this week. For goodness sake. Stop the crap.

Okay…

Is that out of my system?

Yes, I think so…

Where I am right now with Marianne’s A Course in Weight Loss, is the need to surrender. To know that I can’t fix this. If I could fix this, I would have done so a LONG LONG time ago.

I can’t fix this.

I need to surrender my myself to the Divine Mind, the Spiritual Mind, both outer and inner. It’s all the same. Spirit. Truth. Whatever it’s called. Actually – it’s called Love with a capital L. That’s what works for me!

Only by surrendering my problems can they ever be solved. It’s time to reconnect with my Truth, with who I really AM. And allow Love and Light and Divinity to re-emerge and live within. It’s all been hidden for so long, hidden by unresolved emotions.

It’s time to thank the “not thin me”. It’s time to love her and acknowledge her. Only Love can cure fear.

Now, THAT is why I have a blog!!!! I am so glad I came here. Thank you!

Keeping a promise

2011-02-03T11:05:00.001+10:30

When I make a promise to someone else, I absolutely make sure I keep that promise. So, why is it okay to not keep promises that I make to myself?

I go back to work next week, so parts of this promise I am about to make to myself might be harder due to the workload and other parts might be easier with a routine in place. But I am absolutely going to make this promise.

I promise to meditate, exercise, eat healthily, work on Marianne Williamson book “A Course In Weight Loss” and gradually work through the clutter in my study, my life and in my head.

These are the things that are important to me right now in this time of my life. And I do believe that they will help to create peaceful thoughts. But how on earth do I get passed the clutter and chaos of my thinking in order to achieve these things?

Well, I think blogging will help clear my head because I will always try and blog in a peaceful manner, which means clearing the chaos to find the peaceful words and feelings.

And I think the meditating and weight loss course will help to heal my soul and find inner peace, love and light once more.

This is important to me. It is what I need, what I want. So I promise myself, that no matter how I am feeling, I will do these things.

I love.

Hitting the wineries

2011-01-24T16:40:00.001+10:30

My fiance sometimes travels the state visiting his customers at the wineries. When I am on holidays, I go along with the him for the drive.

These holidays we visited Gibson Winery in the Barossa Valley which had this amazing old cottage where I had the time of life taking photos!

52 Projects - Wk 41 - Exposure Photography

2010-11-07T08:32:00.001+10:30

After quite a few weeks away, I am back with my first attempts at exposure photography. The last time I posted about exposure photography, it was D setting the exposure and me doing the composition. This time, I understood and set the exposures myself!!

I think it has become my new passion. I am looking at these shots, liking what I see, but thinking of how it could be so much better. They need more light through longer exposures, some need better composition, I want to avoid this or that, or bring out more of this or that.

But I greatly enjoyed doing this project. I spent the afternoon researching techniques etc and then D helped me once we were there with his understanding of exposures as well. Another team effort. These shots are definitely a result of both of us, not just me!

I can't wait to go back and improve on them. But for now, my next project will be learning how to enhance them through photoshop!

52 Projects Wk 37, 38 - Our photos, Thank you cards

2010-10-11T21:23:00.001+10:30

Our Photos

In the process of getting ready for Mum's 80th, I also looked at the inside of the house as well as the garden. I had been racking my brain for a couple of months trying to come up with more rearranging ideas for a better layout. Finally the ideas came, and for the first time since D moved in and we combined our furniture, I really like what I have come up with!

Along with the re-arranging, came re-decorating the walls with our photos. I bought white edged photo frames of various shapes and sizes and, together, we chose our best photos to print out, some to have enlarged and then to frame them all.

We are so happy with the result, and have had no end of comments on how great they all look. The difference that it is has made to the house is HUGE! And it has all been such a great talking point with our guests over the last two weeks!

I've been wanting to do this for a long time and am really glad to have completed this project. Now, every time we take a new photo that we like, we can easily print it out, or have it enlarged and replace one of the others. We are going to get a proper way of storing the prints and we can continuously change the photos we display.

Here are the photos I printed myself from our printer. They are sitting on top of their frames drying. You need to let them sit for 24 hours before framing.

And here are two of the enlarged photos on one wall. The rest of the photo frames are scattered throughout the house. Our goal was to be tasteful and spacious and not let any area feel cluttered with photos.

Thank You Cards

With any engagement comes presents and congratulation cards. So, also with any engagement, comes sending out loads of thank you cards!! Oh boy!

Because we took so long to have our party, we had already received some gifts from both family and friends. So, I wanted to have thank you cards ready for those people, to give them their thank you cards at the party.

I searched all over our local shopping centre trying to find something decent and come up with zilch. One, they weren't interesting. Two, they were so expensive!

So I figured it was time for a little creative project!

I kept them very simple. I have a lot to do. But I really enjoyed it.

I used cardstock and cut the cards to size.
Then, in Word, I created text boxes to size for both the front cover and middle section.
I did a simple thank you for the front cover.
And typed out each individual thank you in a multitude of text boxes. It was great to be able to be write something unique to fit each person and their gift.
Then printed them out, cut them to size with the guillotine and stuck them to the cardstock.
And just a little bit of decoration on the front with a shape cutter and more cardstock!
Nice and simple!

Photo 1 - The work area - guillotine, cardstock, coloured paper, glue, cards given to us in which I had written the gift that that person gave.

Photo 2 and 3 - inside and out (blurred writing for privacy!)

Now, post party, I have something like 40 more to do!!!

52 Projects Wk 35, 36 - Garden Pt 3, Workbench and BBQ table Final.

2010-10-07T17:55:00.001+10:30

Okay, so I'm way behind in keeping up with 52 Projects and it's not because of lack of doing projects in fact quite the opposite. The projects have been occurring thick and fast, there simply has been no time to document them. Two weeks worth is enough for one week, so I will catch up with the next two for next week.

The last three weeks have been flat chat. Last weekend was our engagement celebrations and the weekend before that we hosted Mum's 80th birthday celebrations at our home. As a result, we were madly trying to get things completed before Mums birthday and then to get ready for our engagement party with two events on both Saturday and Sunday. (I'll do another post about that later!) All events went tremendously well!! And now, several days later, on Thursday, I am starting to recover from many weeks of preparation,organisation, stress and illness for both of us!

These two projects were the essential ones to finish before Mum's 80th.

Garden Part 3

Firstly, I have finally added the photos for Part 2 - go check it out here!

For this weekend and two more nights of work we:

Lay down the weed mat on the back yard beds.
Planted the new plants.
Placed the irrigation lines next to the baby plants.
Talked to the plants!!
Placed the mulch on top of the weed mat and around the new plants.
Taught M not to get into the garden bed - just one yelling at did the job - he is such a good boy. (plus a few reminders during the week. Gosh he is hilarious! He knows what he is not supposed to do. Now he needs no reminders).
The following weekend, after a week of watering by hand everyday, we put in the drippers into the irrigation line and set up the right dripping speed.

A close up of the photinia robusta

The bad-ass concrete setting in the far corner and the new colourful setting in it's old place. The kangaroo paws and the new grasses.

These two photos show the mulch and the irrigation lines done.

We are getting there!!!

Workbench and BBQ Table finished!

At long last, I can show you the finished workbench and bbq table. Nothing like the deadline of a lot of visitors coming to get things completed!!

The BBQ Bench - granite all neatened up, shelves in.

D loved having this workspace for doing the bbq'ing for our engagement barbie! And all up it cost about $5!!!! See Part 1 for the details and the before photos.

The workbench in the carport.

The framework painted black and the shelves neatened up.

The right side is my area for doing projects with my paint brushes and glue etc. on my little shelf.

The rest is D's. He has his tools outlined and hung on the backboards, his press drill covered and protected with a garbage bag (just in case the rain sneaks in!), there are nails and screws etc. in glass jars on the shelves, a little tool box on the bench, a bench clamp and wood, steel and other useful things stacked on the benches underneath.

He LOVES his workbench. And it has made it SO much easier and quicker for him to do little odd jobs as well as bigger jobs around the house.

See here for Part 1, and Part 2. The before photos in Part 1 tell the story!!

And that's it for this week!!!

Phewwwww!!!

Seeya!

xxx

52 Projects Wk 34 - Garden Pt 2

2010-09-14T14:48:00.001+09:30

Weekend no. 2 in the garden.

More weed removal.
Pulling up the old line of bricks.
Carrying and stacking the bricks by the shed.
More turning of soil.
MANY trailer loads of new organic soil to put in new and old garden beds.
Laying out of weed mat for front garden.
One trailer load of mulch for the front garden.
Removing old fencing around vegie patch.
Cleaning up the moss rocks
Putting more piles of weeds in the green bin.

Putting in the organic soil.

Piles of grass, dirt and weeds

The bad-ass concrete setting before being moved, plus more weeds to pull from the garden bed and some old weeds still to collect and move to the "pile"!

Pulling out the old bricks and securing the new border with the new soil.

AND FINALLY, the planting of the first of our new plants -4 kangaroo paws amongst the moss rocks! YYEEEAAA. (Our ordered online plants haven't come yet. I can't wait.)

Then moving the big bad ass concrete table and seats and placing my newly painted colourful outdoor setting above the moss rocks. (photos in part 3 of both kangaroo paws and new setting in its place!)

We still have SO much more to do. But have stopped for this weekend. I have been unwell this week and can't do anymore and D is exhausted from doing all the soil and mulch.

I'm feeling bad that D is doing so much work to get the garden how I want it in time for Mum's 80th. He is exhausted and he hates gardening! And he has to be careful about his energy as he is in recovery from chronic fatigue. He is doing this for me mostly. But he agrees that we need to do this for Mum and he is also looking forward to how it's all going to look in the end. He has had great ideas for plants and always comes up with good ways of doing projects.

He is outside now working on the granite counter top we got for free. This and the workshop is what he wanted to do this weekend. And now at 1.30 on Sunday, he is finally getting to it. Thank you so much D. I am so grateful and appreciate it more than you know.

He is disappearing to a mates soon for an afternoon of well deserved "him" time, playing pool, having a beer and chilling out with his mate. Have a totally relaxing time, hon!

Focus on the goal.

2010-09-14T14:45:00.001+09:30

Another thing that is really helping me stay peaceful with my food addiction thoughts came from an interview with an up and coming singer. He spoke of how he met Madonna and some advice she gave him in regard to the fame that has come in his life. She said - see your goal, stay focused on that, put blinkers on so you don't get distracted by all the stuff around you, stay focused on that goal.

That has really stuck with me. The goal I see, is myself in my wedding dress. The image is very small, far in the distance with a path running towards it. There is nothing else. To the sides of the path is just blackness, no distraction, no compulsions, nothing but the image at the end of the path.

This helped me today when, for a brief moment, I wanted to go to the shops because I am so sick with a bronchial infection that I wanted the comfort of food. I saw the goal and all food addiction desires disappeared. It's quite staggering. Instead I realised I am actually hungry and I can prepare myself something healthy. A simple concept that has always been so difficult for me in the past. Yet today, right at this minute, it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

In the past, it was always me trying to distract myself from compulsive desires. Trying to pretend that they weren't there. This time, they are actually disappearing from deep within me. And all that is left is the goal and the desire for healthy eating and achieving my goals.

I imagine the fire in my belly that I spoke of in my last post, my soul residing at my core and I feel complete. There is no hollowness that needs filling, just completeness and grounding.

And my thoughts become peaceful. There is no fighting myself as there is only voice!

Yesterday I also felt a new feeling showing me how things have changed right at this moment. In the past, it has always been a rare moment for me to have peace from food addiction. A rare moment when serenity and healthy eating were the dominant part of me. Yesterday, I felt a craving and went "wow, thats the first time I have felt that today. The rest of this day has been easy, 'normal'"

I can't tell you how surprising and new that it is. How wonderful it was to acknowledge.

Peaceful thoughts are starting to become more and more common!

Becoming grounded and more peaceful

2010-09-13T09:51:00.001+09:30

One of the advantages of being sick in bed, is that you get to catch up on blogging. I have really been enjoying doing my old routine of blog reading and commenting. It's like returning home to an old friend!

Life has been extremely busy the last couple of months and there simply hasn't been room in my head for blogging. But the last couple of weeks, I have started getting the itch to return to my journey of creating peaceful thoughts.

While this peaceful goal is always in the back of my mind, I haven't been so active with it and I want to be again.

I have made some great progress in the last two weeks. If you have been a reader of mine for a while, you will know that my biggest challenge in life is dealing with food addiction. Two weeks ago, I began to realise more clearly how I live outside of my body so much. Like my soul resides in my head and not the rest of me.

I came across a sentence in something I was reading. For the life of me, I can't remember what I was reading though! Anyway... it said that it is not the bodies job to find the soul, but the souls purpose to discover the body.

This was one of those lightbulb moments for me!

I have often felt ungrounded within myself and have been even more aware of it lately. So, I began to work with imagery of sending my soul down to my belly, to try and feel my soul filling up my arms and legs.

For brief seconds in time, it worked. I could feel a fire in my belly, I felt grounded, I felt secure. And for those brief moments in time, all my food craving thoughts disappeared. Completely.

But I couldn't keep it there.

So, when I went for my next ayuvedic treatment, I talked to him about it. And he worked on merging my energies together. He spoke of how my energies were going in two different directions and he brought them back into sync.

Now, although I have to think about it all the time and practice the imagery, I can keep my soul residing in my body. Sounds weird, I know, but it's incredible. Every time I centre myself in this way, I no longer crave food. I feel more secure in myself. I feel more peaceful.

The last week has been good. My thoughts have been more peaceful. I've been able to control my eating. And I don't feel so threatened by the world. I like the fire in my belly, the sensation of being grounded and completely "here". I feel hopeful that this is the beginning of a new phase in my life - one that I have been trying to reach for so many years. Time will tell.

52 Projects Wk 33 - The Garden Pt 1

2010-09-05T20:32:00.001+09:30

This weekends project was the start of a huge project we have taken on and aim to finish in two more weekends before my Mum's 80th birthday party. We are redesigning our backyard and preparing new and old garden beds for planting.

The last two weeks we have been planning what plants we want and how we are going to do it all. Most of our plants have been ordered from a site called Garden Express. A most impressive website. The plants are cheap because they are really small and the more you buy of each plant, the cheaper it gets. They should arrive in about 10 days, which gives us another weekend to prepare the soil.

This weekend we:

created a new garden bed,
weeded both front and back yards and
began preparing two of the current garden beds.

We are both exhausted and decided to stop at lunchtime today (Sunday) because we really had nothing left.

We timed both today and yesterdays stopping of work really well. We are battling the weather as well, with it being wet and windy. Yesterday we stopped at about 3 pm. We had one break for rain, but the rest of the time was just light drizzle or nothing and that was fine to work in. But after we stopped it came down heavy, the wind picked up to a gale and we were so grateful to have finished. It was awful!!

Today we finished up, showered, had lunch and then it started bucketing down! We got really lucky! With any luck it will rain heavily enough to wash off all clay soil that I traipsed all over the driveway! Yucky!

I forgot to take before photos, silly me! But the "work in progress" photos with a description of what was there will be quite enough.

The Back Yard

Photo 1

We created this garden bed in order to plant our photinia robustus hedge. The lawn was all the way to the fence line, so we had to dig it out and then put in the edging.

Photo 2

This section here (from the opposite end of the yard) was full of weeds. And we aren't talking ordinary weeds! No sir! We are talking waist high, find a path through them weeds! The green bin is full already and we haven't put even half of the piles in it.

The great thing though, with both the digging of the garden bed and the weeding is that with so much rain, the soil is really wet and the weeds and grass came out easily. I don't think we would have been able to do it otherwise. (more about my soil later!)

Photo 3

The side bed below, I have never really done anything with. Planted a couple of fruit trees and then didn't take care of them. But they are doing okay and with TLC will pick up well. This bed was also full of weeds but not so bad and all ground level!

However, this bed was the rubble dumping ground when the house was built and was full of debris. After doing the weeds, I went through and picked up all the surface rubble, then put gypsum in the soil and watered it in. You can still the white gypsum on the surface. The rain we are getting will help to soak it thoroughly into the soil.

Turning over the soil will be next and will be a horrible job (see further down for the front yard job!) and will also bring to the surface more rubble to be cleared. We also plan to continue the corrugated iron edging along this bed as well instead of the bricks.

Photo 4

This is the moss rocks and garden bed below them where we are going to plant grasses and natives. Above the moss rocks will be a lovely place to sit and enjoy the view over the suburbs to the sea! I am going to put my colourful table and chairs up here. It will look great. There are still a few minor weeds to remove here but it's pretty good. Nothing waist high!!

The Front Yard

Photo 5

Once again, it was full of weeds. Then it was putting down the gypsum and watering it in. And then, the "horrible job". Most of my soil is clay. Hard, yucky, sticky, clumpy clay. The weeds stick hard, the water runs off, the muddy clay is yuck, yuck, yuck.

So, turning it over was a "beartch". Not only clay, but also a bit of debris that I kept striking from when we had the new retaining wall put in. You can see I almost got to the end of the job, before I collapsed in a heap with aching hands, neck and back. The further along I got the worse the clay got. At this point, I couldn't do one strike of the hoe before it had collected a large clump of clay. I will finish this another day!

We have a LOT more to do, but have made a good solid start. I will leave the rest of the story till next week!

This is an exciting job. One I have wanted to do for many years. It will look great when it is finished. Nothing like having a deadline in order to get things done!

52 Projects Wk 32 - Carport (the other side!)

2010-09-01T17:49:00.001+09:30

This week's project was tidying the shelves on the other side of the carport (opposite the new workbench - which will be coming soon!).

We went to the block for the weekend, so it was lucky I did the project during the week! (see down below for an update on my bird house!)

The photos tell the complete picture.

Before: A big mess

After: Organised!! With labelled boxes and everything!

Also, this weeks continuing outdoor projects included weeding the disastrous garden and pruning the hedges. And beginning to put together the list of plants that we are going to order. Gotta do that really soon. We are hosting Mum's 80th birthday here in three weeks!!!! And our engagement party is the week after, with people staying here! Can I do it before then????????

Before

After

And this is me at the block checking out whether anything had nested in my Birdhouse. I think you can tell that it was empty!!! :) Nevermind. It is not spring yet. There is still hope!

But I think my conclusion still is to build a birdhouse a little more natural. While I had a lot of fun building and painting this one, one more suitable to the environment is on the agenda for a future 52 Project!

52 Projects Wk 30, 31 - Clutter Clearing, BBQ bench Pt. 1

2010-08-22T20:26:00.001+09:30

Hi all! Hope you are all well and happy and continuing to thoroughly enjoy your 52 Projects just as much as I am!

Clutter Clearing Indoors this time!

Well, last weekend turned out to be wild and woolly weather, so we weren't able to get out into the carport and finish it off.

So instead, we turned our attention indoors. Clutter clearing continued! We sorted through boxes of electrical stuff filled with chords, wiring, computer parts, software etc etc. This was a box I've been waiting to go through with D for ages!! A lot of stuff got thrown out, but there were also some wonderful treasures! and a few more things for the workbench.

I was then able to reorganise the laundry cupboards as that was where some of the boxes were stored. More throwing out and treasures to be found. And now I have wonderfully organised cupboards and SO much more room.

We also sorted through two old computers that we don't use anymore. We took off what we needed and copied them into our current computers. One will be used again by D's Dad. The other unfortunately, is so old and outdated we can't even give it to Goodwill or a computer recyclers. It's gone in the hard rubbbish. More room in the study now!

We are going gung-ho around the house D and I! It's fantastic!

(No photos this time, sorry!)

BBQ Patio Bench

Our latest project in improving the outside area of our home is building, repairing and installing a bench under the patio to go next to the bbq.

We were lucky enough to score a black granite benchtop for free that D's mate (who owns a kitchen building business) was going to throw out. Find!! The granite needs a lot of work - polishing and removing bits and pieces from when it was installed in someone's old kitchen.

But to start with, D built a steel frame for it. He still had bits of steel left over at work and welded them together to build this. He left feet room underneath and room for two shelves. We are going to ask his mate to make us some nice shelving finished off properly so it looks shmick.

(Ignore the mess around it - we are still gradually filling the bins each with our pile of stuff that we have thrown out and at the time this was taken, hadn't started clearing up the workbench)

Personally, I think the man is just so clever, measuring and welding all the bits together. I'm highly grateful to have met someone who can do all this stuff!

Then, it was my turn. Over the course of this week I have done two coats of steel anti-rust primer, light sanding of the primer and then top coat (also an anti-rust). I was pleased to discover it didn't need a second coat of colour.

This is where it is going to go in the patio.

And the next picture is a sneak peak of the granite top. We are off to Bunnings today to get what we need to clean up and polish the granite.

And a future project is - we are going to build wooden boxes to fit on the shelves and paint them bright colours for storage. Complete with lids so things don't get dirty from being outside. Finally a nice place to put all the outdoor table settings and utensils!

I am so loving all these home improvement and clutter clearing projects we are doing together.

52 Projects - Wk 28, 29 - Carport Pt 2, Shed

2010-08-08T11:43:00.001+09:30

Carport/Workspace Part 2

From here on, the carport is now known as the workspace! Much sooner than planned, D built his workbench and for last weekends project it was installed and he began laying it out with his tools etc. He had a lot of fun buying what he needed and finding places for everything. We also bought a lockable cabinet in which to keep electric tools and all the poisons etc.

The difference to the place is enormous. Together, we tidied and organised and it almost feels like we built a new room onto the house. Things that were scattered around the house have been brought together in this new workspace - screws, tools, odd jobs - all in the place ready to be used and fixed. Already, there have been many little jobs done that had been waiting to be finished. It is all so much easier.

Now, I have a bit more space in the house and it needs a bit of reorganising. I'm looking forward to doing that some stage soon.

I can't show you photos yet, because well, there is this weeks project that has kind of taken over the space! But by next week, this weeks project will be finalised, next weeks project on the workspace (part 3) will be done and it should be ready for viewing.

The Shed

In organising the Workspace, you may remember we began a pile of hard rubbish to be collected by the council. This brought us to The Shed Project. Here goes...!

Our shed has, for the last two years since D moved in, been chockablock full of "Stuff". After combining two houses of stuff, the shed became very full with the leftovers. Not to mention all the things that D had in his shed, combined with what was already in my shed. Oh dear.

A lot of the stuff I knew was hard rubbish, so the job needed to be done before the council pick up. Also, there was more odds and ends of things to be brought down to the workspace as well as stuff simply to go in the trash. We also now have a pile of computers, tvs, furniture, clothes, books, kitchen stuff etc to take to Goodwill (which have filled up the Workspace!). And a little pile for ebay. (a new project for us to try out!)

I thought it would just take us the morning. At 4.00 we finished up!

I forgot to take the 'before photo' before we started, when you could only take one step into the shed before you were completely blocked by 'stuff'. But here is the shed a third of the way into the job. And just to give you an idea of the depth of the 'chaos', there is also a photo outside of the shed with half of the stuff in its various to do piles.

The After Shot

Taken with the 18mm lense, so I could get it all into the one photo. I can't believe how much space we have now. Things are just placed against the sides, with the whole middle free. There are not rows and rows and nooks and crannys to climb into. There are not things piled up three or four deep! More than one person can actually get in there!!! :):):)

The two white boxes are completely empty and I may use them for my projects in the workspace, there is very little in the cupboards, and aside from a couple of boxes to sort through for ebay, there is nothing superfluous. All are things that we use regularly according to the seasons and the occasions or will be using soon.

It is so good for the soul to have gotten rid of so many things. I feel so much lighter. When the Goodwill trip is done, the council have picked up the hard rubbish, and the pile of regular trash gets picked up in the weekly pick up, our house and our souls are going to feel so much more lighter and freer and cleansed! I can't wait!

Next job - tackle the weeds. Actually we must have the outdoors bug, because on the agenda is to tidy up and plant in the backyard. To make it appealing and pretty and a pleasure to be in! So stay tuned for that up and coming project!

52 Projects Wk 27, 24 - Carport Phase 1, some light fun!

2010-07-26T20:47:00.001+09:30

HOG Games!

The first of todays projects was one I had a lot of fun doing! It's not something I would generally call a project but it certainly turned into one! I spent the better part of a day discovering, searching for and downloading only the best of the best of the one computer game that I LOVE playing - HOG Games.

Hidden Object Games are just awesome. If you've never tried them, I highly recommend them! They are about finding hidden objects in rooms and other settings whilst getting absorbed in a storyline. The best ones are those where you have to find an object, work out how and where to use it. You can't go on to the next scene in the story until you have done so. I love it the most when you have to move from one setting to another in order to find all the objects and tasks. There are often all sorts of puzzles to solve as well.

Anyway, this project has seen me set myself up to get regular updates of the latest releases, along with the reviews from the Big Fish website (the best one!). Here is a small list of some of the best series I have come across.

Mortimer Beckett
Alabama Smith
Flux Family
Puppet Show
Crystal Portal

Our Carport - Phase 1

This one is a major project and won't be finished for a while yet.

Our carport had become a complete disaster over the last few months. Filled with all sorts of things that we have had to step over to get to other things! You know the story!

D also needs a space of his own to work on his projects, to have all his tools etc etc. - the mans shed!

So, the project is to clean up the carport and then D is going to build a workbench with cupboards and shelves and have his own space along the fence line of our carport.

It began with tearing down the shadecloth and waterproofing the area. Putting up polycarb panels and guttering and linking the gutter into the downpipe - that was D's job. Then we went through the stuff together - oh dear! We have a pile of stuff for the hard rubbish pick up, a pile of stuff that went into the bin and a pile of stuff that are neatly stacked by the fence ready to go into the new workbench cupboards.

And during all that I was sweeping out all the dirt, rubbish and spiderwebs as well as the leaves from the big storm we had recently - from this area as well as from the patio which also got a big clean up in the process. We now have a nice, clean, dry area all ready for D to begin the project that he is really look forward to doing and to finishing so that he can take advantage of his new space!

Here is the progress so far.

Before Photos:

The old shadecloth. The workbench will go along this fenceline.

The pile of junk!! Garden stuff, old cupboards, tools...

The After Photos

The polycarb sheeting bringing in much more light and not letting in the rain! The rubbish bins at the end of the carport where they will eventually have their own little room to hide them. The pots that we are keeping that will go in the workbench cupboards.

Nice and clean and tidy! Oh and I don't have to step over things when I get out of the car anymore!!

52 Projects Wk 26, 23 - Staining, the wardrobe

2010-07-19T09:45:00.001+09:30

This weeks project and catch up project are:

1. Organising a very untidy and cluttered wardrobe!

2. Building and staining a storage crate

Wardrobe

No photos for this one, so just use your wonderful imaginations.

A simple wardrobe - just one long hanging space and a shelf at the top.

Bring in a nice, cheap, DIY kit. Suddenly there are separate hanging racks and shelves.

The DIY kit needed a lot of adjustment as it was for a larger width than my tiny little walkthrough. So, D brought out his tools, did measuring, cutting and hammering and between us we set up a nice little design.

Bring in matching storage boxes and a shoe rack.

Do some major organising and clutter clearing - oh the challenge of throwing things out!

Things are organised, neatly layed out, easy to find. WOW! It is wonderful!!!

Storage Crate

This project is a combined effort between D and myself.

Firstly, D built the crate out of wood from Bunnings. Aaahhh, buuunnninnngsss! Yes, we like shopping there!

Then, I learnt with a bit of trial and error about how to stain it. This 52 Projects is a great learning curve! I love it!

After a light sanding all over I gave the stain tin a good mix.

The man at Bunnings told me to stain with a paint brush. That pretty much sucked! Then D said he always stains using a rag. That worked great! It was much quicker, more even and just easier!

Unfortunately, the stain colour I chose doesn't match the table it is going under (more later!), so I am going to do a second coat of stain before I apply the lacquer. I would have had this finished by now, but I put my back out and, wallah, restriction abound! Nevermind, it will come good and I will finish it soon.

The purpose of the crate is to tidy up the mess that always builds up under D's coffee table. Hard drives, bits of paper, computer chords, magazines etc etc. Take a look! It's not too bad in this photo but you can imagine the build up that could occur!!

But with the almost matching crate, with matching slats, things are much neater! You can see the stain is too light at the moment, but I am hoping another coat and the lacquer will darken it a little. If not, well, we will just make another one to match!!

PS. D built the coffee table as well! A project from many years ago.

52 Projects Wk 25, 22 - outdoor setting, ribbons

2010-07-13T09:10:00.001+09:30

Once again, I have gotten behind on my 52 Projects. Sheeezzz!! So, with a week of holidays, my goal is to finish off all the little half done projects that I have on the go and post two a week to catch up.

This week is my outdoor setting project and my ribbon project.

Outdoor Setting

One - take a tired old outdoor setting and strip it back.

Two - give it a good sanding, both with the electric sander and by hand.

Three - give it a good undercoat with the discounted paint that I got because the guy at Bunnings mucked up the colour. Bargain!

Four - paint in the brightest, funnest, happiest colours you can find.

And... walllah...! A fun, happy, setting to brighten up the back yard!

(The light was not in a good place when I took the photo and the colours are actually a lot brighter, but you get the idea!)

Ribbons

Many weeks ago I began this project. Many, many weeks ago I bought the ribbon boards! But here it is finally.

This project taught me a final lesson in the importance of the paint quality. Needless to say, the Cheaps and Chips paint went in the bin, along with the failed attempt and the proper craft paint finished off the job!

This job will allow me to actually see what ribbons I have and will make it easier to do all sorts of projects, including my scrapbooking.

I painted the ribbon holders in a variety of colours to match the ribbons. And held the end of the ribbons in place with matching colour paper clips. With such a variety of ribbon styles it didn't always turn out to be the beautifully neat look that I wanted, but compared to the before shot... well, take a look!

Before

After

I've ended up with 12 boards so far. I had to do more colours than I originally had done. And I also had to do repeat colours. I had a lot more ribbons than I thought!

A Fun Photo!

R deciding the box filled with ribbons was a really comfortable place to squeeze into and sleep in!

52 Projects Wk 21 – Lots of things t0 start a new blog!

2010-06-14T09:09:00.001+09:30

This weekend has been, what turned out to be, an overwhelming project. It wasn’t intended to be my 52 Projects, but it has taken me SOOOOOOOOOOOO long to do, that it has definitely become a project. There hasn’t been time to do anything else I became so caught up with starting this new blog and getting it ready to publish.

Where do I begin…?

The link I guess!

Bushwalking Adventures. http://bushwalkingadventures.blogspot.com

As many of you know, for the many years I have been doing blogging, it has always been my little thing to do without anyone from my real life reading my blogs. (except D and now Queen Naturo) My journals I guess. And you don’t show your journals to everyone!

This new blog is not! It is my first “show to my family and friends” blog. Therefore, it is under a different profile, with no connection at all to this blog or my conception blog. Oh my Goodness, what a scary project that is!

It started simply enough, create the blog, design it, write a post.

Then came this list of time consuming, fascinating and learning curves tasks.

- Map My Hike – I found this site. A way of mapping the actual route I took on each walk. I was SOOO excited. But it turned into one disaster after another. This didn’t work, that didn’t. I thought – Google Maps! I will try it that way. It was easier to track the path, but it just didn’t have the features I wanted. Back to Map My Hike. It was easier. It seemed they had fixed some things in the beta version. But still I couldn’t get the image on my blog.

With some brainstorming, D finally came up with the solution. Map the trail on Map My Hike. Copy the screen. Paste it into Photoshop (which I had to install and which will be yet another project learning how to use it!). Crop the page to just have the map, save as a jpeg and wallahh! A long way around things but it worked. Map My Hike will eventually provide the html code to embed the map- coming soon it says. So until such time, this will be the method.
- Picasa Web Albums – I had too many photos to include in the posts, so it was time to begin properly using picasa web albums and upload each of my walks on to the site. I wanted to be able to put a slideshow at the bottom of each post, where you can see the rest of the photos if you want to. Not to difficult, just took some time.

I have thought of other photo uploading sites – photobucket, flickr etc. But I went with Picasa because I have their photo software and it is all just a little bit easier!
- Post layout – I kept rearranging the layout. Finally happy with it.
- Other pages – a links page, a page listing previous walks.
- Links on each post to a downloadable map of the trails for each area.
- A share your blog widget at the bottom – it was meant to be share your post, but it seems blogger doesn’t have a widget or code for that yet. However, I did discover the link at the top about sharing, so as long as it is open to just that post, not the blog as a whole, I can share each post myself. I will keep working on this one.

So there you have it. A major work in progress! Not the project I was planning, but one I am really excited about. Check it out if you like. Become a follower if you like!

Changing my thoughts

2010-06-10T21:28:00.001+09:30

The last couple of days have been “bad” for my eating brain. The voices have been strong and I have been unsuccessful in dealing with them. I thinking partly I have been seeking comfort and diversion from the pain of my arthritic joints. And the way I instinctively seek comfort is through food.

I wanted to use my blog today as a way of trying to change my thinking. But nothing is coming. And it hurts my knuckles to type. So, I might just put it out there to the Universe, that I need some help. I need to find my good thinking mojo again. I need to find some relief.

I need to find my peace.

52 Projects Wk 20 – Access Databases

2010-06-06T21:48:00.001+09:30

My project this week has been a BIG learning curve. I discovered the wonders of Microsoft Access this year and this week saw me start my very own from scratch.

It all began when, at the beginning of the year, D helped me to create a database for my teaching. It has been absolutely amazing having a database designed exclusively for my needs. As the year has gone by, we have continued to add to it and improve. And under the tutelage of D, I have gradually learnt how to do a lot of things myself.

With the onset of my new way of eating, I decided I wanted to do up a database of successful recipes etc. So, this week, that is what I have done. Of course I have still needed D’s help, but I have done all the work and worked it all out for myself first before calling out for help.

In the recipes are a lot of details that I needed to create a variety of tables for such as recipe quantities, protein and calorie etc details, servings, instructions, type of meal, what recipe book it comes from etc etc. The database also includes a list of ingredients, weekly menu planning, snack ideas and measurements. It also includes, very importantly, a list of things that I want to create and add to the database soon!

It has been really exciting and satisfying for me to be able to do it myself. And my Access knowledge has skyrocketed from setting this database up from scratch. I still have a lot to learn but this has been a highly satisfying, enjoyable and rewarding 52 Project!

Here are some screen shots. The first is the current layout of each individual recipe. The second is the design mode for the recipes – what you use to create the layout. And to get these photos, I learnt how to take screen shots, paste them into paint and save them into images. Awesome!!

PS. I was quite late getting last week’s 52 Projects in . So, if you want to check out the exposure photography I’m learning how to do click here. The photos were taken on our special night away at the Grand Hotel!

It’s all a little odd.

2010-06-05T11:00:00.001+09:30

Yesterday I had the most beautiful peaceful day! I found myself struggling with some cravings. Not like my bad day of the other day which were full on addictive compulsions. But cravings, nonetheless. Yea! Why is this a good thing? How could it possibly be peaceful??

Well, it wasn’t peaceful at the time. But I found, after a while, that it was much more “normal”. It was after every meal. I just wanted to keep eating. But you know the age old adage of ‘wait 20 minutes’? Well, that has NEVER worked for me before. Once the need to eat hits, it never leaves until it has gotten what it wants.

But not yesterday. I did wait. And it did go away. Normal!!

What I am finding is this way of eating (high protein, no grains) is really satisfying me. It is satisfying my hunger and it is releasing me from my usual addictive cravings.

It is amazing how peaceful one can be when one isn’t fighting with oneself all the time.

It is amazing how much more time there is in the day without this fighting and then without the resultant time spent sitting around eating.

Yesterday was a wonderful day!

Today, I am still going through the same things. I am not happy about the cravings when they come, but I can deal with them. And they go quickly.

The other interesting thing is that while the craving may appear, the desire to actually partake in the activity of putting food in my mouth does not appear. It is quite weird. “Oh, I’m craving toast. But I don’t actually want to eat toast”. Very odd.

The whole thing is very odd. This change. The other day I said to D after a meal out, “was that a big meal. I’m full, but it didn’t seem like a big meal. Oh, I just don’t know anymore. I’m all confuzzled now.” Apparently it wasn’t a big meal and I didn’t eat a lot. Yet, I was still as full as a goog! I guess my perception of things is changing as well. All very odd.

Anyway, it’s still all good. And on the whole, I’m still feeling so much more peaceful!

No grain update

2010-06-03T17:16:00.001+09:30

I am completely and utterly amazed at how well this is going!!!!!! Did I mention completely amazed??!! Oh yea! :):)

Cravings? Zip (mostly! more later…)
Hunger? Zip
Energy? High
Enjoyment level? High
Change of normal eating patterns and how I approach food? Loving it!
How I feel? Terrific!
How I’m coping with feeling good? Too early to tell, but so far so good.

There is something about eating high protein like this, that really stops the cravings.
And not having grain is not only not a problem, I feel a sense of relief not having it. There are two times that I have had bread this week. One was a result of running out of time to make my lunch, so I grabbed a sandwich from the deli. The other was my one bad day of cravings and all I wanted for dinner was a cafe grill sandwich. Both times, however, I felt the need to continue to eat afterwards. Yet, it didn’t take too much effort on my part, with choosing protein afterwards to be able to calm down the cravings. But it interesting to see how my body responded to eating grains – by wanting to eat more.

Another thing that has amazed me, is how easy it has been for me to respond to my bodies needs in regards to hunger or satisfied. For most of my life, I have had no real sense of this. But this has changed and I am thrilled! The change in my approach to food and hunger using this method is completely revolutionary compared to anything else I have done. It feels right.

In regards to my bad day – I know what caused it and that was a big thing to be able to work that out. And I coped it with better than I have in long long time.
But best of all - - - - - - - - - - - it DIDN’T carry on to the next day. Normally falling victim to the voices means continuing to do so, but not this time! The next morning I woke up and it was back to protein, no problems, thank goodness, easy, almost with no thought, sigh of relief! Wooohooo!!

One of the things that is challenging with these recipes and ideas is how much of it needs to be cooked. For those who know me, you know how much I hate cooking. That makes it hard for me and resulted in a sandwich for dinner, instead of cooking a meal.

But here I get to sincerely and with all my heart be eternally grateful for my wonderful man. He is head chef in the house. He is willing to do this with me. And he is happy to do most of the cooking! Ah, a sigh of relief. Thank you D!!!!

So overall, a good first week. One of motivation, surprise, relief, curiosity, fascination, hopefulness and a sense of right.

Will this become a lifetime thing for me?
Will it be something that I can maintain? That becomes a new way of life?
Or will it simply help me to find the balance in my nutritional life?

At this stage, I see it being a permanent change, but not a rigid one. There is always room for flexibility and, in the future, I imagine that bread and pasta from time to time will be just fine. But I don’t think I will ever be able to, or even want to, go back to eating grains every day. Time will tell. For now, things are good and I am happy!

52 Projects Wk19 – Night Time Exposure!

2010-06-03T16:08:00.001+09:30

You could read so much into that title couldn’t you??!! :)

But what I am talking about is exposure photography!

D and I had a wonderful weekend last weekend thoroughly enjoying a special getaway at the Grand Hotel courtesy of a birthday present from my parents. It was our anniversary and we just didn’t want to leave the place!

And part of that weekend was my project of learning more about exposure photography – in this case, night time exposures.

D is really good with that. And I am really good with the balance of the scene. So together we really enjoyed playing around with photographing the beach, the waves and the jetty. Which was a good thing, because our weekend away ended up being cold, windy and rainy. Not good for being outside soaking in the scenery but REALLY good for some interesting photos of the ocean from our balcony.

I learnt a bit more about the settings on our camera. I only hope it will stay in my head. For some reason, I keep learning about it and it keeps flying out of my head again. Surely it will stick some time soon.

Anyway, here are a couple of my fav shots plus a prequel setting the scene.

PS. I have a few arty projects in the making. I’m hoping to finish one of them for this weekends project. Fingers crossed!

This shot is setting this scene and was taken before while it was still daylight. What a dreary day, but we were excited by the prospects of what it would give us in photos!

Darkness has descended. I learnt that the longer the exposure, the more it smooths out the waves. I like this one because it also shows the ocean moving off into the distance…

.. But this is my favourite shot of all, with the jetty taking centre stage and the reflection of the lights in the water taking up the bottom half of the photo.

This one isn’t as long an exposure, so you can see some wave action in it. I love it for the man and his bike at the end of the jetty. As well as for the interesting textures on the right hand side of the jetty at the end.

And you can guess what this attachment is used for by all teenagers alike – yes, thats right – jetty jumping. Totally illegal in our state because of the injuries and deaths that have happened in the past, but still performed regularly.

No Grain

2010-05-27T20:42:00.001+09:30

After my naturopath appointment yesterday where I got the results of my last lot of hormone tests, I asked Queen Naturo about the seminar she went to last weekend which was on weight loss.

She didn’t go for the information. In her words “weight loss is weight loss”. She went for the speaker! She said he was a funny man, very insightful and inspiring and she simply wanted to go hear him speak.

I asked her if she did happen to learn anything new in regards to weight loss. She said no, but told me some really funny things he had to say and how she was laughing the whole way through. What she said really impacted on me.

For the last few weeks, I have been reading up about food addictions and how to overcome it. Many years ago, when I first started trying to overcome this problem, I used to get irate about the problems associated with overcoming this addiction. I used to say, knowing how very hard all addictions are to deal with, that alcoholics and drug addicts when they get to a point of being able to recover, can stop taking their drug of choice and move into recovery. But food addicts – well, we still have to eat. How the hell do you recover from food addiction when you can’t just stop eating! I used to get so irate about this.

Yet, in the last few weeks, I have realised that I was wrong. You do stop eating. You stop eating the foods that bring on the addictive behaviours. How many times have I overeaten on fruit and veg? Rarely. When the addictive voice is strong and screaming at me, is it screaming for fruit and veg? No.

The key is knowing what foods are the triggers. And as it turns out, for me and I get a feeling that this is the case for most as well, it is grains as well as sugar.

One book on food addiction that I was reading, spoke about the need to remove bread and pasta from your diet – these are the addiction foods, like alcohol to an alcoholic and make you crave more and more of other foods as well.

This was my first call from “beyond” about what I had to do. Then it came again from another source. And yesterday, from Queen Naturo. And the knowledge was there. Just like the unveiling of my fear, this was an unveiling, a knowing, a complete and utter acceptance and gratefulness on what I need to do.

The key thing she said was this - “when your body eats grains, it doesn’t break it down into protein or anything else the body needs. Grains are only broken down into sugars”

And that was when it hit home.

And today I started. Happily started. With great relief started. With such a sense of peace and rightfulness. A high protein, no grains way of life. She gave me a book as a guide and it has been good.

I’m amazed at how easy it has been today. Completely and utterly amazed! I have found my place.

D came home from being away today. Being the Italian he is, I didn’t expect him to want to join me and I already brainstormed how I could do this and still have him eating his pasta! But he wants to do it as well – for the majority anyway. He sees how it will be good for him also. So, there you go! It’s meant to be!

I feel great right now. I feel right with the world. I feel a sense of conclusion to my years of struggles. I feel Peaceful!! I pray that it continues…

Improving

2010-05-25T17:50:00.001+09:30

Well, I think things are improving, maybe, a little, not sure, yes definitely! :) :)

I’ve gotten back to regular exercise for starters. Back to my old routine of getting up at 6.30 to do a 30 minute walk before I go to work. And three Curves workouts a week. It helped a great deal with our uphill hike last weekend! Phewww!!

But most of all, one of my old, most hated, behavioural patterns has disappeared. That’s not to say that things have completely changed in other areas, but this one particular behaviour was the epitomy of the loud persistent voice in my head. So to not be acting it out anymore, to not have the voice so strong and domineering is a relief of amazing proportions.

There is a little more peace in my head now. Not to mention MORE ROOM for other wonderful things! Like blogging, 52 Projects, photography… All these other things that I love doing!

Now to continue growing from this point.

I’m in a better place now to focus on creating peaceful thoughts. To write about it again and to consciously create it. Before, my energy was completely spent trying unsuccessfully fight ‘the voice’.

At one point this week, I heard that voice, weakened but still there. And I got so fed up with it. “I’m not fighting with you anymore. I don’t care if you are there or not, I’m not fighting. Do what you will” And the voice disappeared.

Perhaps the fight is what kept it alive. And it is acceptance that takes away its life force. In the past, I think I have tried that before though, without success! But for whatever reason, now it is working for me. Whatever place I am in now, whatever growth I have done to get here, it is working now. And I am grateful.

Walking the Path
A track from our bushwalking adventure last weekend.

52 Projects Wk 18 – Bushwalking!

2010-05-25T16:17:00.001+09:30

I’m back!! Finally!! My last 52 Projects was Week 13, so it has been a while.

I have written about some of what’s been going on over the last few weeks in both this blog and my conception blog. But of course, a lot has been left out. It’s just been one of those times when everything becomes overwhelming and it’s just enough to get through the days.

But I am really glad to feel that I have some headspace for other things at the moment and hope I am back to my usual weekly posting!

Two weeks ago, D and I decided we would commit to a great project of bushwalking and photographing our hikes every weekend. Just a 5 minute drive from our home is a wonderful conservation park with amazing tracks of all levels of hiking – from easy to really serious day hikes! Which means that no matter how we are feeling or what we have on, we can choose one that is appropriate for the day.

Last weekend was our second hike and we decided to go adventurous!! We hiked down and down and down until we reached the creek below. We took a picnic lunch, enjoyed photographing and walking around by the creekside and about an hour later began the UP!!

It turned out to be not as hard as I thought it would be. Or maybe I am fitter than I thought I was!! I like the last one better! hahaha! Anyway, from being worried about how I would go, I ended up loving the uphill hike. I can’t wait to do it again!

I was disappointed with my photos. I think a lot of it as to do with the new camera and learning about it more. But there were some okay ones. And they are still a wonderful memory of this bushwalking photography project.

We were mostly surrounded by greenery, but there was one patch that was completely bare. It was surreal!

I love the droplets of water on the leaves in this one.

I shot this one because of the birdhouse in the tree! You may remember my previous birdhouse project. The rangers have put many of these birdhouses throughout the conservation park. It is great when you spot one! Though I have yet to see any birdies fly out of them.

The cliff face at the bottom - next to the creek.

Look carefully – the rock climbers climbing up the cliffs! Insane!!!

And finally, the creek itself. The reflections that day were amazing! Crystal clear! D has one photo of just the reflection itself and it simply looks like an upside down photo of the cliffs, it is that clear and smooth.

Cutting to the core

2010-05-14T10:24:00.001+09:30

I’ve lost track of blogging these past few weeks. Time has flown by in a haze of flights interstate, family sadness, catching up on work missed and just getting through the week.

But I feel that things are starting to settle back into routine now.

Instead I find myself facing my core issue that is emerging unexpectedly from the depths of my soul. And if I can release this, then I will truly find the peaceful thoughts that I am seeking.

I find myself not wanting to talk about the details of it all, but I have discovered, through the process of working on a few things the last two weeks, that fear lies at the root of my soul and is the motivator behind so much of my behaviour. And the reason I don’t want to discuss the details is probably because of that fear! :)

I didn’t expect this. I didn’t go looking for this. But I was looking for solutions to my issues. I was doing my usual problem solving, soul-searching endeavours and this just appeared. It wasn’t like a flash of lightning, or an ‘oh my goodness’ revelation. It just appeared, like a gentle shimmering into existence. “Here I am.” The veil was gently removed. And once removed, a knowing enveloped me. “This is it.” I knew. And I cried.

Often when I have gone looking for solutions to my issues, I have found that I have never been able to relate to the reasons that are usually given for these issues. Now I know why. Because fear has never been mentioned as one of them. At least not that I can recall.

And also, if you had told me that was the reason a few years ago, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. I’m a strong personality. I’m often seen as being brave for some of the things I’ve done in my life. I work hard to face things and deal with them and to try and achieve my goals. I’ve done things anyway whether I’ve been fearful of them or not – my recent flying experiences being a classic case. I’ve plucked up the guts to talk to people about things that were difficult, I’ve gotten on stage and performed my little heart out. I’ve done things despite my fears.

But this fear that I am feeling now, is different. It is deep down inside, it is an old old old fear, an all encompassing fear, not just a fear isolated to a particular thing or event. In a subtle underlying way, it prevents me from doing a lot of things. It keeps me from being the Real Me. I’m scared of truly exposing myself and shining my light out to the world. It is with me all the time, affects all aspects of my life, it affects how I see myself and it really affects how I expect others to react to me. I see now how I’ve spent all my life covering this fear up and relieving it in unhealthy ways.

I’ve had times when I have been able to release the behaviours and move forward, only to discover that on a completely unconscious level, the fears have become more exposed, and I begin to unwillingly sabotage myself in order to become protected and cocooned from it once more.

I understand the behaviour now. I understand what has happened and what is happening. I understand what is going on in my brain right at this very minute. I understand the struggle that I am feeling.

I’ve made an appointment to see my ayuvedic man in order to try and release this old old energy. But I couldn’t get in until July. I’m on the waiting list as well.

In the meantime, I will continue to try to face it head on, everyday and every minute. I will try to use the strength that saw me get on a plane four times in two weeks, to try and release this completely different kind of fear. This inner, core, all pervading, previously hidden, ingrained, depth of fear that has been with me since childhood.

This is the ultimate task in my journey of trying to create peaceful thoughts. This is it!

52 Projects – Wk 13 – Adding Blog Pages

2010-04-19T19:05:00.001+09:30

Firstly, for the conclusion on my last week’s project on Fear of Flying click here. I talk about what happened on the flights, how I coped with it all and how much progress I made on conquering my fear of flying.

Now! This weeks project gradually evolved into more and more.

I started just by wanting to tidy up my categories on my conception blog. I hadn’t added any for the last few posts. It wasn’t to be a project!

As soon as I did though, I discovered that Blogger has added the ability to create different pages on your blog! Woohooo!! I’ve always wanted to be able to do this through Blogger. Finally!

My first goal – to create a separate page for 52 Projects that listed, in brief, all of my weekly projects. Click here to look at the list or look at the top of this blog for the links to the new pages.

As soon as I started, I knew that I had a project on my hands. It was going to take me a while! It lead to 6 more pages over both blogs! Look above at the page links and go on over to my conception blog and take a look!!

All are pages that will be continually updated. The photography page isn’t done yet. Just a link to my current photo site with photos using my old camera. But it will soon become a site showing my favourite photos using our new SLR Canon camera!

I’m really excited by the prospects of discovering this new addition to Blogger. And it was a great project to do! If you haven’t already, go try it out for yourself!!

52 Projects – Wk 12 - Flying

2010-04-14T17:12:00.001+09:30

I’ve been thinking of how I haven’t submitted a project for Week 12 of 52 Projects, and then suddenly realised I have been working on a HUGE project the last few days.

Conquering my Fear of Flying.

On the weekend, D worked out his itinerary for his two week work trip driving around to see all his customers in the NSW and Victoria wineries. He worked out that he would end up in Melbourne for the weekend. And we decided that I would fly down to meet him there and we would spend the weekend together in a different city!

The timing was good because I’m not pregnant and therefore not causing any stress to a growing bubby. I will NOT fly when I’m pregnant. There is no way known that I am going to pass any of this level of stress and anxiety to our child! So, the timing of D being in Melbourne and me discovering I am not pregnant was perfect and just HAS to be taken advantage of!

I have been writing about it here and here in my conception blog.

I began by finding out what homeopathics and tissue salts to take for nerves. And then set out to become completely aware about what frightens me specifically and then become completely informed about what it is all about. Knowledge is power. And lack of knowledge sets the imagination running wild!

As I researched I also came across a on-line course written by a pilot captain designed towards helping people overcome their fear of flying. The last two days, I have been doing this as well. http://www.fearofflyinghelp.com/

I’ve learnt that I am frightened of:

Turbulence
Fear of having a panic attack
Not being in control of anything
Claustrophobia
Fear that if something happens to me, there is nowhere to go.

And I’ve now learnt what turbulence is and how most turbulence doesn’t even register on the planes dials. The pilots have incredible technology that shows them where the turbulence is, so they can avoid it as much as possible. That the only reason they do avoid it, is for passenger comfort. In cargo planes, they don’t worry about, because it is never a problem and the packages they carry don’t care!! The plane is designed to fly through the air and turbulence is simply little bumps in the air, just like we go over a thousand bumps in the road every time we drive our cars.

Flight attendants are completely and thoroughly trained in dealing with panic attacks and other medical problems and I would be totally well cared for should something happen. The course says that I should inform the flight attendants when I get on that I have this problem and that I am trying to overcome it.

I’ve learnt about the mechanics of the planes and how they are maintained. I’ve learnt about the pilots years and years of extensive training. And surprisingly I was encouraged by looking at a few emergency landings and how well they were handled.

I’ve learnt that I can gain control simply by having control over myself. This has been a big part of this weeks project and has seen me increase my exercise, increase my fruit and veg intake and reduce my sugars and caffeine in order to manage my stress levels much better. As well as beginning take the homeopathics in order to begin a build up of them in my system in these days preceding the flight.

Co-incidentally, tonight on TV, is the special about the Hudson River landing. I haven’t yet decided whether I should watch it or not.

So, there you have it.

This weeks project – Conquering Fear of Flying.

Wish me luck!

Next week, I get the fun of photography and showing you all the incredible pictures I intend to take on the weekend!

Another kayaking adventure

2010-04-06T08:25:00.001+09:30

This time we took the kayaks on a trip. We took them on a two hour drive to the River Murray and kayaked along some back waters of the river.

It was amazing, so beautiful!

And we had so many different settings. We still haven’t got our cheap camera to take on the water yet, so no photos of the actual trip, but we will get there soon.

We started off on the main river. And being Easter weekend, we had to contend with the multitude of speed boats dashing along. Their water wakes proved interesting! But just a short trip along and we headed down the back waters.

The river creeks were surrounded by tall weeds. There were no banks we could dock at, it was just glorious reeds with birds nesting in them. You could hear them rustling as we glided by and occasionally you would see heads poking out looking at us.

After a time the waters then opened up to a massive area that looked like a large lake it was so wide. We found another back water off this and headed down it. We were gliding through thick weeds, avoiding sunken logs and ducking under REALLY low bridges. It was so peaceful and natural.

Soon we split up, with one half of the party going on to do the loop that a local had told us about and D and I turning around and heading back the way we came.

And this is the reason why!!!…

D designed this little addition of a dog bed to one of the old kayaks! This photo is of Max’s first trip out on the water! This trip that I am describing was just his second time out.

He really did very well, but certainly did give us a few more adventures on this trip than we would have!

The first one, was in the first few minutes! The wakes of the speed boats came up and Max jumped up and leaned to the side of the canoe just as a wave hit and over they went!! Max, the really strong swimmer he is, simply swam back to the launching spot, no worries. A drenched D then followed suit and they started again.

Then, as we were heading into the back waters, we passed a camp site filled with dogs. Max went nuts and eventually jumped off with D hanging on to the lead. He wouldn’t get back on and we had to stop to lift him back on to his bed.

After that we had no troubles with him jumping in. Some near calls, but D worked out the best way to have a short lead hooked in a slip knot. He had to keep yelling at him to sit down, cause he would keep jumping up to look around, creating real balance problems. But we soon worked out it was just Max being the nosey parker dog that he is. He had to be able to see all of us at once. He hated it when someone went ahead. And if D was in the middle of the group, he would keep moving around and getting up to look forward and then behind to see everyone!

Once we split into two groups, he settled down as long as I stayed fairly close.

At one time, we saw a dog that we thought was in trouble. Obviously D couldn’t go to check him out with Max, so off I raced of to see if she was ok. Oh dear. We were in the large open area at that point and you could probably hear M’s howls all around it. He hated that I had gone.

The dog was fine and I came back. “Pheww” said Max! The other dog was so cute though. She was paddling back and forth in the same spot, which is why we thought she was in trouble. It turned out that her owner was a little further along a back water (doggy was at the entrance) working on fish traps and that spot was the dog’s walking track. She stayed there the whole time, able to touch the bottom, and walked back and forth in the water! Soooo cuuuuute!! I am very glad though, that I checked on her.

The only other concern that we had with Max, was near the end, when we saw a very large sheep right on the bank. Keep in mind that Max is a cattle dog!!! We were so worried. If he had seen the sheep, that would have been the end of it. We were still surrounded by the weeds and I don’t know how we would have handled it.

But fortunately we were also nearing the campsite filled with dogs and Max was so intent on that that he didn’t even see the sheep! Pheww. And then to finish the trip off beautifully, we had no problems passing the campsite this time. Yea!

Everyone who saw us oohed and aahed over Max. Said how cute he was and took photos of the dog on the kayak! I think there will be storytelling and photos of us for some time to come amongst people Easter photos!

It was a great trip at my old high school kayak stomping grounds of the Murray River backwaters. I just loved it!!

For you Jane. A picture of the new kayak we bought. We bought two of them, so we have four now. Two of the old ones above and two of the new ones. This photo is of our local tidal river near the sea entrance. It is where we started our trip last time. I’d love to see a photo of your kayak as well!

52 Projects Wk 11 – Bird House Pt 2

2010-04-05T15:51:00.001+09:30

The Finished Product!!

I really enjoyed working on painting the bird house this week. It took about 5 days to get it done in my free time, because of the need to wait for the various coats of paint to dry. The final lacquer was dried just before we left for the block for the Easter long weekend. Phewww!

I also enjoyed taking various photos of it once it was in the tree, which you can see down below!!.

We found an excellent spot to place it! I didn’t want to drill into a living tree or cut down any large branches or trunks, so we spent a lot of time brainstorming how we would attach it and where.

In the end we found the perfect spot. We found a tree where a large thick branch had died and broken off some time ago. We sawed off the jagged edge and made a flat surface to put the house directly on top of it – much like putting a bird house on a tall post. No drilling into living tree trucks or attaching wires around branches. Perfect! The wood was still solid enough to secure the house with screws, but at a spot where it won’t be growing anymore anyway.

Also it is high enough to be more appealing to the birds, yet we can easily climb into the nook in the branches and look in to see what may be in there!

Remember how I discovered last week that I hated sawing wood? Well I did the sawing for this, and you know what?? I quite enjoyed it in this setting. It was straight sawing. It was really hard physical work and it was great! I got it done quite quickly, much to D’s surprise!
But before this job, we were working on putting up the shed and D asked me to saw off a couple of small branches that were in the way. I said “don’t you remember how much I said I hated sawing last week?? Two weeks in a row?!! What are you doing to me??!!” Laughed! And then got stuck into it!

Enjoy the next few shots showing views from different angles, close ups and full landscape views. The last one is “spot the bird house”. It is taken from right next to our van. I think it is easy to see, but it does show how the house blends in quite well. Of course, not as much as could, but I had to have some creativity thrown into the project as well!! :)

Can you spot it in the last photo???

52 Projects Wk 10 – Bird House Pt 1

2010-03-28T15:34:00.001+10:30

This week’s project is a Bird House for the block! We have 400 acres of bushland a couple of hours drive away, in the middle of nowhere, filled with wombats, kangaroos, emus, foxes, the most beautiful geckos and a multitude of birdlife. The kangas, wombies and birds we see regularly. It is always a thrill when the emus and foxes turn up as well!

The last few times we have been there, we have specifically tried to capture photographs of the birds and are fascinated by how they fly in and out of holes in the tree. A few months ago, one of the other owners saw near our campsite, baby birds poking their heads out of one of the tree holes while Mum and Dad flew in and out feeding them.

So, when we saw this project kit at Bunnings, it was just meant to be. We are going to hang it in one of the trees near the campsite and see what happens!

Part 1, building the house, was a joint project with D and I working on it together. I needed his expertise with tools and building! And so, on this cold, wintry, rainy, don’t go anywhere day, we began…

The above picture shows my outside area where I work on messier projects like this and painting. You can see at the bottom of the picture, part of D’s drawing of “Dog” from Footrot Flats. Yes, this is M’s kennel that I work on, covered with perspex to protect it and make painting and cleaning up much easier! “Dog” was a project of D’s some time ago. He draw two pictures of him – on the front and side of M’s kennel. I love them! (you can see the front in the next photo)

I discovered through this project, that I hate sawing wood! It was the one part of the project that I didn’t enjoy and therefore didn’t do as good a job on. I used some sandpaper and a file to try and rectify some of the bad sawing. I didn’t mind doing that, but if I never have to saw again that will be great!!!

D took a photo of the me sawing. Eeekk! You can also see the front of M’s kennel in this one.

And finally, the finish of Part 1 of this project is in the next two photos. I haven’t joined the house to the bottom yet or the bits of the fence together either, because I want to paint it first (Part 2). But I placed it all together to show you the end result of all those loose bits and pieces of wood.

I’m going to paint it in c0lours that mostly blend in to the trees. I’m not good with colours, so would love some suggestions! I thought I would stick with the white picket fence and green shrubbery around the house. But am not sure of the house itself – possibly different shades of brown to blend in with the trees? Or maybe brown walls and a different shade of green for the roof, maybe darker than the shubbery?

My first long distance kayak trip.

2010-03-22T12:14:00.001+10:30

I am writing this post straight after my last one at my conception blog. That one was about what is going on that is a little challenging right now. Hopefully a clearing away of whirling thoughts and a move towards more focus, clarity and peacefulness.

This post in this peaceful blog, is about the peacefulness of yesterday. To let you know about the wonderful day I had and to remind myself about how great I felt.

Yesterday, was my first long distance kayaking trip. 14 kilometres. 7 kms to a little country town down the river where we stopped for lunch. And 7 kms back again. Four hours worth of leisure!

It was a great great day. I found myself completely and utterly addicted to the silence and sounds of the river and the nature within it, to the feel and peaceful sounds of the hull gliding through the water, the paddle moving in, through and out of the water. The momentum of the kayak was meditative and serene.

I soon found that, because I was in one of the new kayaks, I had left the others behind. While part of me felt that I should stop and wait for them, I just couldn’t. The rowing action and the continual movement through the water drove me on. I couldn’t stop. I was revelling in it. I was addicted.

On the way back, I stayed with the others. I stopped rowing more often and drifted along, staying with D and enjoying the experience together. It was so lovely.

I am sore now, very sore! Yet, I can’t wait to go again!

I wish I had photos to show you, but we have yet to invest in a cheaper camera that we can take with us. That will happen soon and then I will have photos in which to remember our future trips!

52 Projects – Wk 8 + 9 – Monthly Scrapbook

2010-03-20T15:07:00.001+10:30

As I missed last week’s 52 Projects, this week is a double page scrapbook to make up for it! I have been working on this one for a couple of weeks and hoped to finish the first page in time for Week 8’s project. But, no such luck!

Every month for this year, I am doing a scrapbook page on the most significant thing for that month. Last month it was about Eating In Colour and committing to healthy eating.

In February, the most wonderful thing for the month, was becoming engaged to D.

The first scrapbook page shows the progression of photos D took on automatic showing my smile getting bigger and bigger!!

The second page has my blog post describing the events of the day inserted into the pocket.

I have a perhaps 3 more pages that I would like to do using the photos from the day. Two on the amazing scenery that we were surrounded by – the beach, the rocks, the water, the islands. I am really enjoying the process and look forward to starting.

PS. I have found this week, a project using canvas that I want to do. I’ve never worked with canvas before. I can’t wait to try!

Aahh!

2010-03-11T17:29:00.001+10:30

I have SO many tabs open in Firefox of all the things I want to research, read and comment on. OH my goodness!! I am overwhelmed. Getting behind on things is overwhelming. Perhaps I should just cut my losses and start again! Oh dear.

Does anyone else get into this situation with their blogging and internet reading?

What do you dooo??????

It certainly doesn’t set the scene for peaceful thoughts.

I so wish I could blah blah everything out here into this, my blog. But the ‘to the world’ setting isn’t really appropriate! If you read my conception blog, you will probably have an idea about why I am going nuts here right now. This day will pass soon though, I will be back to normal.

Calling, calling – peaceful thoughts where are you??!!

I’m sure they are around here somewhere…

52 Projects – Wk 7 – The study

2010-03-06T10:20:00.001+10:30

This weeks project is a household one. My study has needed sorting and clutter clearing for quite some time. So does my music and teaching books. And outside in the yard.

This week for 52 Projects I decided to tackle these much needed projects. I was going to after before and after photos from both the study and outside, but we have decided to go away for the long weekend and I only one project got done – the study.

From this before photo, you can see the disastrous state it was in. No room to do anything at all. Stuff all over the place. Looks like a storm went to through it.

To the right of the photo, out of sight are built in robes. I didn’t do before and after photos of them, but they were the major part of the project and the first place to start. I think they took me about 2-3 hours to organise. A lot of clutter clearing – I threw out a full garbage bag of stuff!

Now the wardrobe is neatly organised with all my craft work easily accessible and D’s stuff in neat boxes. I’m so happy to have easy access to my organised craft materials!

Next it was onto the rest of the bomb. It took me probably another couple of hours to sort through papers and other piles.

There are still a few neat piles that I need to go through, but they aren’t the important things. Things like recipes and keepsakes. All things that would make a good project to do another week!

So, this week’s 52 Projects is quite different again. A household project that absolutely needed doing. There has been very little time for anything else this week. But now I have a beautifully organised giving me space to both work and create!

And here it is… The after photo!!

Finding peace in the home.

2010-03-05T10:57:00.001+10:30

Today I am attempting to create more peace and sanity in my environment. There are so many things that need doing, putting away and clutter cleared. Insanity seems prevalent in my head and home right now.

I am frustrated by my inability to be able to re-arrange. It just isn’t possible anymore. Since we joined households, everything has it’s place and just won’t work anywhere else. I can’t tell you how much this frustrates me, the ultimate re-arranger. My need for change in my home environment is like my need for breath. I am going mad!

So, all I can do is re-organise cupboards, clutter clear, make things function better. All important things as well, just not the same as have a freshly arranged lounge room.

[some dreaming moments later…]

Oh dear, it’s just not gonna cut it. I have to re-arrange the lounge. I have to do something. I’m going mad!! aahhhhhhhhhhhaaaahhhhhh! :)

My 52 projects this weekend will be all about this. Big household projects. Before and after photos. The study is my current project and I hope I am about halfway through.

Then, the lounge. I will find a way. I will find a way!

And this weekend, we are attacking a pile of stuff in the backyard. Finally!

Ok, back to it…

52 Projects – Week 6 – Love blocks

2010-02-28T18:34:00.001+10:30

This weeks 52 Projects!

Well, they have taken me three weeks to finish. And quite a learning curve in material usage, done through lots of experimentation on some other blocks I had. But aside from a coat of spray on varnish, they are done!

The darker colour is actually a deep purple. The reason I didn’t do the letters in red is because this is not about romantic love, but spiritual Love. And of course my obsession with purple has not ended. But I threw some red in it because romantic love is all apart of it as well!

Working towards peaceful thoughts

2010-02-28T09:35:00.001+10:30

I’ve been struggling with peaceful thoughts the last few days. I had a really busy week, got over tired and things went downhill from there. It’s a good lesson for me in regards to not over doing it. If I want to achieve the goals that are important to me, I need to pace myself and keep alert and active for those things.

So, the question is – how do I get back to where I was just three days ago?

One step at a time, I suppose. Go back to the old faithful.

I also need to print out my list of things to look at when I am struggling.

And remember how much I’ve enjoyed being outside painting things. It’s a new activity for me, so I do forget.

The hardest thing too, is to just begin. Right now, even getting dressed is just too hard to do! I managed to shower and wash my hair and now I am sitting here wrapped in my towel! ( Too much information??!!) It’s just too much of an effort. But I want to get to Bunnings and Cheaps as Chips to get what I need for my projects. And walk to the shed cause I think there is something out there that would be good. (sigh)

This is terrible. Where is my energy? Taken away by bad food no doubt and eating out too much with our friend from interstate. Okay, get some fruit and vegies in me. That is what I need.

Oh, just too many ‘one steps at a time’ to do…

Okay, the first one… Get dressed… Then go to shed.

Okay, I can do that. Here goes…

Photo: Another one taken on engagement day. I love this house. It is overlooking the sea, surrounded by pasture and with no other houses around. Beautifully isolated!

Awards

2010-02-26T21:56:00.001+10:30

I have been lucky enough to receive two awards over the last couple of weeks. It has taken me a long time to respond to them, but finally the time is here!

Thank you to Faerwillow over at Serendipity for awarding me the Best Blog Comments award. I was really touched by this one. Commenting on blogs is a really nice thing we can do for each other and I really try to keep up with everyone’s blogs. I’m not quite so consistent now that I am back at work, but I do try!!

So thank Faerwillow for these kind words:

always there to share insight

and leave compassionate words

Instructions for the Best Blog Comments award are:

1) Link back to the blog/blogger who nominated you.

2) Paste the picture of the award in your award post

3) Nominate bloggers you think deliver great comments to your blog

4) E-mail/post/tweet or do whatever you need to do to inform these bloggers they have been nominated for an award.

Salma over at Imperfect Stepford Chronicles awarded me the Sunshine Award. Thank you Salma!

This is another award that was touching. I have worked hard in my life to try to always remain positive and go with the flow of what life brings. I’m not always successful but I do always try! My blogs are a way of bringing that forth even more in my life.

Salmas words of…

She wants to be a mommy and so do I. I love the fact that I can visit a blog that is not all about negative aspects of ttc.

… meant a lot because that will always be the way I look at our journey towards conception. I am glad to provide a positive ttc blog for people to visit!

Sunshine Award Instructions are:

◦Put the logo on your blog in your post.

◦Pass the award onto 12 bloggers.

◦Link the nominees within your post.

◦Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blogs.

◦Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

This is where it gets tricky to choose!! LOL. I’m not going to write about each one, I think the awards are really self explanatory and I have already been catching up on my blogging for hours!!! Some of these people are new blogging buddies, some I have been happily following for quite some time. Each person the awards go to have become an important part of my blogging world and I am grateful to have met them. My heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you!

Please go and visit these blogs if you aren’t already. They are wonderful, kind and warm women, with wonderful stories, each unique and fascinating. Click their follow link. You won’t regret it!!

The Best Blog Comments Award goes to:

The Sunshine Award goes to:

Photo: Engagement Day. Near the proposal spot!

52 Projects – Wk 5 - Kayaking

2010-02-23T10:39:00.001+10:30

This week for my 52 Projects I decided it was time to post about something different!

D and I have been trying to get out kayaking for a long time. He has 2 kayaks and used to go out more often with a mate of his until he sustained a long term injury to his shoulder.

Now that it is healing, we have wanted to get out kayaking together and prepare for going on a kayaking camping trip. He went out once a few weeks ago with his mate and his shoulder held up well.

I used to canoe when I was a teenager and have been keen to try it again. But one thing after another… and it hasn’t happened… until last Sunday!

Finally, the day had arrived and off we went.

I LOVED it! I got in like I had never left and away I went. I had no trouble keeping up with D. My paddling was just as strong. His stamina was a lot better though! But that will come back with time.

Now, I want to go out every weekend! I’m addicted to the whole experience. The tranquillity, the nature, the drifting along the river, the sound of the paddles moving in and out and through the water, the exercise!

We are going to buy two more kayaks and take a camping trip with another couple. I just need to build up a bit of stamina ( as does his mates partner!) and then we are going to head out to a spot about a couple of hours down the river.

I can’t wait for Sunday and then, hopefully not too far away, for the camping trip. Wooohoooo!!

Grace In Small Things #27

2010-02-21T21:58:00.001+10:30

1. For another great day today spent with D and his mate who is staying with us.

2. Going kayaking again for the first time since high school. I absolutely LOVED it and can't wait to go again! It is amazing how the things we learn to do when we are young stay with us forever. I had no troubles right from the first stroke. Like riding a bike! Or this time - a kayak! I am happy to be able to share this pastime with D. Another thing we love doing together.

3. Another good day eating.

4. Working out how I want to my project for this week.

5. Feeling happy with life. And the fact that this happiness has lasted for a whole week.
We all know how things go in cycles, particularly our emotions. We have a good happy phase followed by a downer phase. Well I usually find that my happy phases - truly happy phases - shift away fairly quickly. But not this week, this week it is staying - 7 days in a row! And whereas in the past, the sadness can quickly take over the happiness, this week the happiness has overshadowed any other emotion - tiredness, feeling a bit down - none of them have had any power to stay longer than 30 minutes or to even really surface to be significant. For this, I am SO SO grateful!

A week of graces!

2010-02-20T22:52:00.001+10:30

I can't believe it has been a week since my last GiST post. This week has flown by in a haze of engagement happiness and celebration! Not to mention it is still just my second week back at work and the change of routine is taking some time to adjust to.

There are SO SO SO many things I have to be grateful for this last week. I don't even know if I can begin to mention them, let alone list... how many?... 35 graces!

I think there is probably at least 15 in this post here about our Engagement Day. And more here in the follow up titled "Feeling Happy and Relaxed".

I have been over the moon happy this week, even on Thursday and Friday when I wasn't feeling very well. Despite the tummy ache and headache and the tiredness, I was still really happy and full of life!

[000000000000000000000000000 wooops, that was my kitty saying hello to you all! Another perpetual grace in my life! LOL ]

I didn't expect things to be all that different to us as a committed couple, when we got engaged. But they are. And I luuuuvvv it!! Very Very Very Grateful!

Some graces outside of the engagement square:

* I am happy that my niece asked me to help her move house and really wanted me to come and see the place once she was more settled.
* I am happy to have D's mate here staying with us for a while. A top bloke who is a lot of fun.
* I am happy to be asked to design the brochure for our next committee event. I do enjoy doing that.
* I am very very grateful that I am back to daily exercise and healthy eating.
* Grateful to be nearly finished doing the bookwork for last quarters BAS tax statement.
* Grateful that I am enjoying my work again having dropped some hours this year.
* Grateful for the new walking group that has started up at my Curves.
* Grateful for my renewed passion in craftwork thanks to 52 Projects.
* Grateful for a freshly tidied house after a few days of going crazy in it's madness. I NEED tidiness!

I hope to get back to daily feeling, seeing and listing all the little tiny graces that make our days special.

Photo: One of the views from our engagement spot!

52 Projects – Week 4

2010-02-17T21:31:00.001+10:30

With the whirl of getting engaged (you can read about it here!!) along with going back to work, I am late to the ball park for getting my project in this week! I also haven’t had time to finish the project I had planned. However, I have a different project that I started a couple of years and never finished. 52 projects is an opportunity for me to finish it!

About 8 years ago, my nephew tragically died at 21 years of age. We hadn’t seen a lot of him in his lifetime as his parents divorced when he was little and he and his Mum moved to back to his Mum’s home city.

We were very grateful that in the last few years of his life, after he turned 18, he chose to come and visit us many times and even lived with his Dad for several months the year he died.

A couple of years ago I decided to do a scrapbooking album using the few photos that we have of him. I did several pages, got stuck on one, and then lost momentum.

This is the second page that I did.

The left side is of him at 8 weeks and the right side at 5 months.

And the words at the bottom of the page are:

GROW
To develop, to thrive as a living being
To increase in size, quantity
To come into being or be produced naturally
To gradually become

I am looking forward to completing this project over the next year and being able to have a wonderful memory of his life.

GIST – Days 14 - 17

2010-02-12T19:23:00.001+10:30

I’ve gotten behind on my Grace In Small Things days on this blog. So here are 20 wonderful things that I am grateful for!!!

1. Grateful that my HSG scan is done. You can read about it here if you would like.

2. Grateful for a good first weeks work.

3. Grateful that, thanks to a school swimming carnival, I have the rest of the week off! Nice short week to get started back at work!

4. Grateful that D came with me to the scan.

5. Grateful for all the information that I found out about the scan upon researching on the internet tonight.

6. Grateful for a fan on these hot, muggy days. The evaporative air con just doesn't cut it when it's muggy.

7. Grateful for my BED!!

8. Grateful for a good book to send my mind on adventures!

9. Grateful for having a lovely lovely nurse today!

10. Grateful that I now have two days off to nurse my pains following the scan!

11. Having a calender where I am keeping track of my GIST days. Yea!

12. Feeling so much better after the scan.

13. A massage and acupuncture treatment today.

14. My mum and cleaner coming around this morning. Lots of jobs done and the house nice and clean!!

15. My mum!

16. Picking up free wood, cut to size, from our kitchen designing/making friend for my next creative project!

17. Getting D a VD day gift I think he will love!!

18. A lovely two days of recovery.

19. A beautiful sunny day today after a beautiful cool change and rain yesterday.

20. Watching together a great series about medium/clairvoyant Lisa Williams. We both really enjoyed it and are going to watch some more of the series tonight!

GIST – Day 13

2010-02-07T18:36:00.001+10:30

For a more comfortable back and illiopsoas muscle!
For our new fridge! Gosh, I Luuurrrrvvvv it!
For a day home with D.
For learning more about my SLR camera
For finding some new HOG games (Hidden Object Games). Luuurrrvvv them too!

Photo: One of my favs. Taken last summer.

When I look at it with the knowledge I am gaining from the SLR photography course, I can see how I can make it so much better. I can’t wait to try all these shots out again with the new camera!

52 Projects – Week 3

2010-02-06T14:43:00.001+10:30

This week’s project is a wooden pencil box, painted purple then decorated with torn paper using decorating chalk to colour the tear. I used the two leftover butterflies from last weeks project and some stick on flowers to complement the paper.

I just can’t get enough of purple at the moment.

Purple to me has always represented spirituality and I believe that is the reason I am being drawn to it at the moment. All my life, my favourite colour has been deep reds. But now, that colour just feels too intense, too dramatic. The gentler, calmer purple is what I am wanting around me.

I thought I would look up the meaning of purple. There are many interesting things about purple, but the one that struck me the most is how it is a combination of two opposing colours. The vibrant red (which I am drawing away from) and the cooler balancing blue.

Purple is the color of good judgment. It is the color of people seeking spiritual fulfillment. It is said if you surround yourself with purple you will have peace of mind. Purple is a good color to use in meditation.

Purple has been used to symbolize magic and mystery, as well as royalty. Being the combination of red and blue, the warmest and coolest colors, purple is believed to be the ideal color. Most children love the color purple. Purple is the color most favored by artists. Thursday's color is purple.

Violet is the color of purpose. Violet is associated with the Crown chakra (This links individual and universal).

Violet Energy

Violet is a combination of blue and red. Red is a focusing, dynamic and active energy while blue is cooling, calming and expansive. Violet brings a new dynamic to the expansion of blue and the activity of red. Red brings practicality to the undirected expansiveness of the blue, and allows more creative energy to emerge. For this reason, violet is associated with imagination and inspiration.

Put some violet in your life when you want:

to use your imagination to its fullest

to re-balance your life

to remove obstacles

to calm overactivity or to energize from depression

Violet gem stone properties

Violet gemstones are associated with mysticism and purification. They are used for meditation and to sharpen psychic awareness, connection with higher self, and to increase imagination and inspiration.

Nature of Purple:

Purple has a special, almost sacred place in nature: lavender, orchid, lilac, and violet flowers are often delicate and considered precious. Because purple is derived from the mixing of a strong warm and strong cool color it has both warm and cool properties. A purple room can boost a child's imagination or an artist's creativity. Too much purple, like blue, could result in moodiness.

How the color purple affects us mentally and physically

* Uplifting
* Calming to mind and nerves
* Offers a sense of spirituality
* Encourages creativity

Feng Shui

In your feng shui color applications, Color Purple should be used with moderation. It is a very strong, high vibration color, the color of connection to the spiritual realms (7th chakra.) and should be used sparingly. Feng shui-wise, it is not recommended as a wall color.

GIST – Day 12

2010-02-05T16:09:00.001+10:30

It’s the end of the day now, so I can do Day 12’s graces now. Day 11 was my catch up!!

Well today graces are interesting. It’s called turning a negative into a positive!

1. I am grateful for the INTENSE pain from my massage this afternoon, because I know it will eventually heal my muscle. (btw – I know what my pain has been now. I badly strained the illispoas muscle, which a muscle deep in the abdomen. What fun!)

2. I am grateful for the INTENSE pain from my acupuncturist because I know his needles are also healing my muscles as well as helping us along the road to conception.

3. I am grateful that those appointments were back to back, so I could get them over with in one hit!

4. I am SO grateful for the expertise and friendship of these two people and for what they are doing for me and for us.

5. I will be grateful VERY soon for our new fridge arriving – which D is picking up on his way home from work!

Photo:

This is what I need to think about at my next appointment. The peacefulness of our local beach and reef on a beautiful sunny day at low tide. I took this one with our new SLR camera last month!

GIST – Day 11

2010-02-05T09:56:00.001+10:30

I still haven’t gotten my calendar to keep up with my GIST days. With all the discomfort of the last few days, I think I may have missed another one! Never mind!

I did think about my graces for yesterday as the day was mozeying along, but had difficulty I must admit. It was such a nothing day, which is exactly what I needed.

1. But I was very grateful that I was able to have a day to myself, mostly watching movies. It is a wonderful thing to be able to do that in our usually busy busy lives. So, I am grateful that these days have been given to me.

2. It was also a day of total emotional release. I spent most of the day in serious tears over everything I watched. The slightest thing in the DVD’s had me bawling my eyes out. Gosh, we need days like that from time to time.

3. I am always grateful for the usual things in my life – D, my parents, my home, my pets, enough money to survive comfortably.

4. Probably the biggest thing to be activating within me is LOVE. Awareness of the truth of Love, that is what life is all about. Within us, Around us, That IS Us – who we are, what we are made of. I am grateful to be in a phase where this is coming to the forefront of my consciousness and I hope that I continue to evolve into this truth.

5. For watching Celestine Prophecy movie. While I didn’t think the movie was all the great, I was grateful to be reminded of all the insights. What amazed me the most, is how, when I first read the book 15 - 20 years ago, those insights were so incredibly new and amazing. Yet now, they seem an easy part of who I am. I was expecting new revelations, understandings and reminders. Instead, I mostly received confirmations. It was nice. I am still going to go back to the books and do some reading again – mostly about the energy within relationships – because I think there will be more of the understandings and reminders I was expecting within the words of the book rather than the movie.

Photo:

I took this photo some time ago. It is perfect for my day yesterday. On hand there is rain pouring down on the right side of the photo. Yet, right next to it on the left, are the rays of sunshine that are still filtering through the darkness. And beneath the darkness of the skies, the waters are still peaceful and calm.

GiST – Day 10

2010-02-02T18:07:00.001+10:30

I'm sorry if I am a little behind in keeping up with and commenting on peoples blog posts at the moment. I am really struggling to find any position that is comfortable and sitting down in front of the computer is certainly not one of them.

I am looking forward to being grateful for knowing what this pain is in my right side and my back!

In the meantime, it is really important to me to keep up with my daily graces. I can feel the significance and difference they are having in my life already.

1. Today I am grateful for school holidays to help me recover.

2. I am grateful for the D’s support and concern.

3. I am grateful to have made a start on all the schoolwork that I have to do over the next two week.

4. Grateful that I made it through the shopping intact. It was really hard manoeuvring that shopping trolley today and bending down to lift the groceries.

5. Finally I am grateful today for truly being aware of myself as a loving, spiritual being.

GIST – Day 9

2010-02-01T09:01:00.001+10:30

1. For Day 32

2. An afternoon and dinner out with friends. Went and saw Avatar for the second time!! Still just as awesome!

3. For my growing blogging community.

4. For one more week of school holidays.

5. For being able to call on my Mum whenever I need to.

My peaceful thoughts have been a bit overwhelmed lately. I am looking this week, to get completely organised before I to back to school next week. And I hope I can still keep up with blogging as I have been. I have been really enjoying my expanding network. It means a lot.

So today, I am doing one step at a time, organising the house and my life.

Step 1 – have a shower and get out of pj’s!! lol

52 Projects – Wk 2 / GIST – Day 8

2010-01-30T20:46:00.001+10:30

52 Projects – Week 2

This weeks project is the one I instantly had in mind when Jane first mentioned launching 52 Projects. I have had the plain wooden tissue box for a few weeks now and I am grateful for this ‘deadline’ to have motivated me to decorate it!

The first picture shows the words that I chose to put on the tissue box.

The second picture is what D suggested! The funny thing is though, he didn’t actually expect me to do it! Nice to know I can still surprise him! :) :)

[PS. The table that I placed the tissue box on, is a sneak peak at a big project I did over the holidays. It’s not all finished yet, but that one will be forthcoming sometime soon!}

I did have a bit of problem photographing it. The top colour is actually a gorgeous purple, but it kept coming up as blue in the photos!! Oh well!

Grace In Small Things – Day 8

1. Grateful that we finally found the right fridge for us. (after ours was damaged beyond economical repair in a bout of power failures). I’m really excited to be getting a bigger and better fridge. To finally have some room! We should get it next weekend!

2. An exciting women's tennis final!

3. Asking D what he was grateful for today and he said “spending the day with my lovely girlfriend” AAAaaawwwww…

4. Feeling good within myself.

5. Getting my tissue box decorated and really enjoying the process.

GIST – Day 7

2010-01-29T17:46:00.001+10:30

1. A quiet, peaceful day at home. The stillness and serenity. The gentle breeze flowing through the house.

2. The perfect weather for drying clothes on the line.

3. My meditation CD by Sandy Robertson You Can Get Pregnant Over 40, Naturally.

4. No commitments.

5. Our new cafe blinds. We are so fortunate to have gotten cafe blinds for free. Yes, you read right – FREE. We have a friend who sells and installs them and they had some rejects that they needed to get rid of. They knew we needed/wanted them and came and installed them. All it cost us was $100 for some parts and we threw them a bbq lunch! It has made a world of difference to the patio!

GIST – Day 6

2010-01-29T09:57:00.001+10:30

I think my Day 6 was yesterday! I’m going to have to get a calendar for the year, just so I can keep track!! :)

So, I will do a GIST this morning and try and remember yesterday and then do one this evening for all of the days graces that are just about to happen! I’m excited to see what they are going to be!! wooo.. Giddy like a school girl!! How wonderful to be so excited about what the day is going to bring. This GIST stuff is fantastic!!

Yesterday Graces:

1. Going from no motivation to the get to the gym in the morning, to a wonderful incredible urge to exert lots of energy and get the heart racing and the blood pumping in the afternoon. I went to the gym and then took the dog for a walk. I was completely exhausted by the end but SO SO thankful!

2. Luxuriating with a make over! I finally found completely chemical free, nano-particle free make up! YIPPPPPEEEEEEE!!!!!! It’s called Vani-T and, even better, it is locally owned and produced right here in little old South Australia. It is internationally renowned now though. Good on ya to the South Aussie girls who created it!

3. Luxuriating with a cut and blow dry. Just love having someone else wash my hair and then massage my head. Ah, a day of me stuff. Gotta love that!

4. Cooking dinner with my man. I love it when we come together for that.

5. And this one is happening right here and now as I write. I have so much gratitude for our cleaner who comes once a fortnight for 3 hours. She is just a lovely lovely woman and friend and I am so grateful for D for wanting to keep having a cleaner after he moved in. As a bachelor he had his cleaner for the same hours and wanted to keep it up to help me out. I’d never had a cleaner before and it is SUCH bliss!!

GIST – Day 5

2010-01-28T08:33:00.001+10:30

Today I wanted to list the things in my life that I am grateful for every single day. All except for one, have been a part of my gratitude lists for years! The love of a good man is wonderful new grace that still catches me by surprise sometimes! It wasn’t all that long ago that I had doubted I would ever be this lucky!

For food in my belly and a good roof over my head.
For the love of a good man.
For my parents.
For my long term job and the income it provides.
For my cats and the companionship and affection that they generate.
I’m also really grateful for the glorious rain that has come down on my parched garden today!

52 Projects – Wk 1 / GIST – Day 3 and 4

2010-01-26T15:38:00.001+10:30

52 Projects

Peaceful thoughts came from doing something today. While I am not a very creative arty person, I enjoy scrapbooking. I haven’t done it a long time. I am grateful for the opportunity that Jane has provided with the launching of her new 52 Projects.

Some time ago, I bought a 2010 scrapbooking calendar. I loved the idea of scrapbooking about one significant thing for each month. Unfortunately when I got home, I discovered that the calendar is American and thus all the seasons are back to front! The wrong events go with seasons! Snow in summer?? Not here! :) :) But I can work with that, it’s just not as straightforward!

This weeks project is not a masterpiece! but it depicts the most important thing for me this month.

As part of our journey to conceive, I have been reading lots of materials about the best things to eat to improve fertility. Lots of fruit and vegetables is the answer! So, I’ve changed my diet to focus on these two things. You can imagine how challenging it is to fit in 10-12 serves a vegetables a day!!! I don’t know whether I have reached that figure yet, but I’m definitely eating a lot more fruit and vegies and less carbs and sugars etc.

So this month is all about that. Plus a little bit about the freedom and love of the summer holidays!

Grace In Small Things

Today I am grateful for:

* Starting scrapbooking again - thanks to Jane.
* Quickly finding my way out of unwanted patterns and being able to lift the sadness I was feeling.
* Going out to the Australia Day fireworks!
* My little angel curled up next to me as I am working on my page for this month.
* For my man who, when I am a little sad, always asks if there is anything he can do. That always cheers me up a little!

Yesterday I was grateful for:

* A good work out at Curves.
* Having Mum and Dad over for dinner.
* Finally doing some shopping errands that have needed to be done!
* For my cats. I love them to bits and they are just so darn adorable!
* Feeling fresh and centred, happy and alive.

Grace In Small Things – Day 2

2010-01-24T20:11:00.001+10:30

Day 2 - just starting out!

I’ve been thinking all day about the things I’m grateful for. It is such a good thing to be doing!

Today I am mostly grateful that D is having a 4 day weekend. He is feeling more relaxed from these last two days than he did having two weeks off for Christmas. Christmas/New Year is always so insanely busy. But today we chilled out at home together and had more “us” time than we did in those two weeks. And he is more relaxed now than after his “holiday”. Just wonderful!
I’m also grateful for spending time with the folks. We took around the loaf of wheat bread I made for them yesterday and then they took us out for dinner. It was lovely!
I’m grateful for joining the GIST site and beginning to make new friends!
Feeling more content within myself today and feeling some things finally slipping into place.
For getting organised with a chart of daily do’s and weekly do’s. I also did a bit of rearranging and gave myself a special place where I can go to read all the books that I’ve been wanting to learn from! I’m going to add to it soon with an aromatherapy burner and other yummy things like that.

Time to head off now and chill out for the evening. I think I might even turn this computer off and not look at it again today!!!

Picture: One D took of my little angel yesterday.

Grace In Small Things – Day 1

2010-01-23T15:24:00.001+10:30

Okay, it’s time. I have been thinking about doing Grace In Small Things for a couple of weeks now. Finally, I am motivated and inspired to begin. Part of me is also a little desperate to begin. I need this. I need to see all the wonderful things in my life and be grateful for them. I need to bring all those little things to the forefront and magnify them!!

So, the first thing I am grateful for today is that I have begun this journey!
And the biggest thing I am grateful for, which I am grateful for every single day, is having D in my life. No matter what is going on, I am so happy that we are a part of each others lives.
I am grateful for my brothers help in fixing our air conditioning which broke down a couple of days ago. And that D has the skills and willingness to get up on the roof and do the work. Thank you!
I am grateful for the gentle breeze that is blowing through the house. It is a lovely thing always, but especially after the heat of the last few days.
And lastly today, I am grateful for having a cooking bug this morning and whipping up a wheat bread loaf for Mum and Dad, a gluten free loaf for me and D and a carrot cake made from scratch! I don’t often have a cooking bug, but I really enjoyed it today. It was very therapeutic.

I could think of so many more things to add to this list! But I have 364 days to go!

I am looking forward to this journey picking up my spirits and helping me find that bubbly carefree person that is the real me. I am looking forward to not being weighed down with stuff – useless, irrelevant stuff.

On another note, while not officially doing the Complaint Free task, I have been thinking about this everyday and working on trying to steer clear of any complaining from my words and thoughts. I joined the Complaint Free Twitter and Facebook pages and enjoy receiving their words of wisdom everyday.

The one that has really stuck with me is this…

What is the difference between complaining and discussing certain topics in a constructive way? It lies in our attitude.

…And this has been my focus.

I also find myself saying something to someone and then taking it back!! Saying “that wasn’t a very nice thing to say, I take it back”! That helps too. I’m acknowledging to myself that I have slipped up and it also means I take it back from lingering in the energy realm!

So, small steps. One step at a time!

Picture: Our local jetty on a beautiful gorgeous day a couple of weeks ago!

Panic

2010-01-21T15:25:00.001+10:30

It’s in the 40s here (thats over 100F) and my airconditioner just blew up!

I notice a terrible mechanical burning smell, freak out, ran like mad to the control panel to turn the air con off, but see the control lights have gone and the air con has stopped. I race outside to see if there is any smoke pouring out of the roof and there isn’t. I call D. Then go outside and discover that the fuse for the aircon had flipped off. Good.

I go back inside. Still smells really bad. I’m so worried that there is a fire brewing in the roof. Where are the cats?

I race outside again. Still no smoke.

I come back in. It still smells putrid.

My adrenalin is pumping, my hands are shaking, I feel like bursting into tears.

I call my brother – with the air conditioning business! No answer. Left a message. He is super busy in this weather.

The smell is starting to dissipate. I’m starting to calm down. I still want to cry. But my hands aren’t shaking anymore.

Now all has calmed down and the house has heated up. Boy, it’s hot. So hot. It’s gonna be fun trying to sleep tonight. Fortunately we have portable fans. When is the cool change coming in?

I am restless. I can’t settle down into any tasks.

I take a breath. I remember my peaceful thinking. One thing at a time, one step at a time. Deep breaths.

My First Blog

2010-01-15T18:22:00.001+10:30

When I first start blogging many years ago, my very first blog was about becoming more positive. It took about a year before I felt that I could truly say my thinking had shifted. I was so grateful and so happy about the change. And the most wonderful thing is, for the most part!, that change is still within me. I always try to look for the positive in things and try to surround myself with that frame of mind.

As I blogged, my focus was to constantly change any negative thoughts into positive ones. To change the challenges in my life into blessings. It certainly wasn’t easy. It’s amazing how much negativity you realise you have when you start looking for it.

Now, I have this blog. To create peacefulness in my life.

Just a few hours ago, I wrote another post titled Friday. And didn’t know what to say about today, but I still wanted to try and find a way to make my thoughts peaceful.

And then in my wanderings and restlessness, I bumped into an old blogger friend from those days. And all of a sudden, I am back amongst those things that I love. I am lead from one thing to another, another old blogger friend, spiritual talk that makes me feel so at home, challenges and ways of thinking that resonate so beautifully within me.

I was reminded of A Complaint Free World. This was something I did quite some time ago now and had forgotten about. The act of doing it back then filtered into my inner self and, even though I had forgotten the book, it is still something I try to avoid. But I can see that I’m not as conscientious about it now as I was back then and I want to resurrect that way of thinking.

I’ve also come across a new one – Grace in Small Things. I like the idea of this. It brings a sense of peacefulness within the blessings of life.

So, thanks Kelly, for remembering me after so long, for your way of thinking and living that is so calming and uplifting, for bringing me closer again to my spiritual self and for all the other places that I was lead to!

I have definitely regained my sense of peace. It’s time for a shower to refresh and clear away the day.

I am grateful.

Friday

2010-01-15T14:27:00.001+10:30

Well, D just loved the banana cake, so that was good!

I’ve been very unmotivated today and not really sure where I am. And I was laying in bed with my novel and started thinking about how I could convert this around to being peaceful.

I’m afraid I came up with completely zip!

I got nothing today. No energy, no motivation, no desire.

I am looking forward to going out tonight though. An Intimo lingerie party. Woohoo!

And tomorrow we get free cafe blinds installed. A friend installs them for her living and they need to get rid of seconds. So we get super super lucky!!

So some fun things in the very near future to move me out of this listlessness.

Maybe I can find peace in that thought.

My Word for 2010.

2010-01-13T16:42:00.001+10:30

Sometimes someone can come along and tell you exactly the right thing that you need to hear. I was blessed today to receive some wonderful words of wisdom which brought peace to some niggling thoughts. I am reassured to receive outside advice about the peace that I am really striving to achieve. It wasn’t my goal to be seeking outside help. I wasn’t looking anywhere but within myself. Yet, it is wonderful to know that I am being supported.

‘Peace’ is my word for 2010.

Obviously!!

When I read about others choosing a word for the year that represented what they were seeking or wanting to achieve, Peace was an easy one to choose! I like that this journey I have began last year has become a word for the year. Somehow it gives it more focus and clarity.

Today has been a good day. I had a great workout at Curves. (Gosh, I love that place!). Some more errands and household spring cleaning jobs have been completed. Dinner was in the slow cooker by 1 pm. And I made my first attempt at a banana cake from scratch. (Motivated by the two old bananas in the fruit bowl! Nothing like making good use of old fruit!).

I still wonder how I will maintain this wonderful peacefulness once school goes back. But for now, I am revelling in it!

Just in! - It was cooked too long for the outside. And it’s a bit doughy, not light and fluffy. And it tastes too sugary. Not a great attempt, I don’t think. Nice to know I can use less sugar, though! Maybe some advice from my expert Mum is needed for next time!

A quiet, peaceful week.

2010-01-12T15:51:00.001+10:30

The first few weeks of my holidays saw me gaining peace by gradually working on my list of things to do and seeing it getting smaller. Continually doing one thing at a time, one step at a time, from one task to the other.

This week, I have gone into hibernation mode. Recovery mode! I am so content simply being quiet. I have been reading, I have done a new template for my conception blog, I have discovered the joys of killer sudoku! Each day there has still been at least one thing that I have completed on my list of things to do. But the peacefulness has come through being still and quiet.

Next week, I will gradually begin the road back to my working routine. I have bookwork to do and school materials to organise. But I am luxuriating this week in nothingness. I am allowing myself this time. My only commitments – keeping the house tidy, doing one or two things from the list of to dos, and preparing dinner. The rest of the time is mine! No guilt (it’s my summer holidays), no obligations (they will all come soon enough), just my time for me.

Allowing the peace.

Working it through.

2010-01-08T14:31:00.001+10:30

It’s been a few days since I’ve posted because I haven’t been able to find those peaceful thoughts or even been able to talk the talk!

I’m not sure what happened, I’m really not. I’ve talked about it here in my conception blog. But now it all just seems a little vague. I seem a little vague. I’m in the lull of the cycle, in the dip of the wave, in the eye of the cyclone.

In some ways, that is a peaceful place to be! But it also feels lost. The things I want to do aren’t happening, I’m drifting. I can’t even seem to get to the one step at a time. One thing at a time.

So…

What to do?

I’m really not sure. Perhaps I just need to go with the flow. Maybe right now I just need to stay in this place, to be peaceful with it. To relax! I just feel wrong about that. Guilty. Underachieving. Even sabotaging.

Mmm, not much peace there.

Okay, right now, for today. No guilt. Whatever I feel like. Peaceful in the stillness.

UPDATE: After half an hour of whatever I like and being peaceful in that, I was up and outside working on my outdoor furniture. 3 and a half hours later, I had stripped, sanded and put the primer coat on my second piece. Woohoo!! Achievement and satisfaction in that!

…A photo from my first day out with the SLR yesterday…

A New Year!

2010-01-04T08:24:00.001+10:30

There is something different in the air. A new decade. A new way of living.

This year is all about taking one step at a time. Doing one thing at a time. Constantly moving forward a little bit at a time.

Whether that be writing a blog post and continuing to evolve along the journey.
Beginning a clutter clearing job that is much needed.
Sorting through the many many dated folders of photos.
Simply getting up and doing the dishes or other household job.
Taking another step forward in rejuvenating my outdoor furniture.
Feeling and becoming absorbed in peaceful and positive thoughts.
Being joyful about so many things.
Doing something nice for my loved ones.
Organising our weekly date night.
Lighting my aromatherapy burner from time to time and absorbing the beautiful and healing scents.
Starting the book-keeping and getting closer to finishing.
Learning more about our new SLR camera and taking better and better photos.
Becoming more connected to Spirit – both within me and all around me.
Trying to capture that world on camera.
Learning how to honour myself by eating well and exercising regularly.
Being creative in some way – scrapbooking again.
Being Happy!

And being peaceful and contented in all these activities! Allowing that peace to flood through me. Allowing my Spirit to be uplifted. I can feel it already! Ah, there is my happy place!

And to finish off – the first picture that I have liked from our new SLR camera. I was just experimenting with the lenses and this came out. It’s a start!

The Challenge is working!

2009-12-31T11:19:00.001+10:30

I am so happy and content that my Challenge is working! I don’t know what it is about my last post and coming across that word, but it is good and I feel happy and excited and peaceful about winning the Challenge and being able to change my thoughts!

D has come walking with me the last few days and that has been fantastic! We have found a great path that is also quite challenging as it goes down into a gully and back up again. Doing those hills everyday will quickly bring my fitness back up again! It is also a lovely walk surrounded by trees and paddocks and horses! A little heaven of nature!

There have been a few challenges this week to my peaceful thinking. Number one was Christmas shopping! Of course! I was grateful to quickly realise I didn’t need to be rushing around like an idiot and wanting to get it done as quickly as possible. Doing it slowly and peacefully also worked and allowed me to enjoy it in the process! And I am guessing took about the same time!

Yesterday, with some dramas in the household, was more difficult. And it took some time to find peaceful thoughts once more. But they did come – eventually! Some deep breathing and letting go of thoughts and emotions gradually brought things around again. Phewww!

One thing I am really grateful for is finally get out my oil burner and beginning to burn my aromatherapy oils again. I have been wanting to do it for so long, but just never quite got around to it. Yesterday was the day, thanks to needing to remove the smell of meat from the kitchen before our vegetarian friend came over! D suggested it and I went “yes, yes” finally!!!

I find the process of lighting the burner, choosing the oil and then smelling the aromas to be so therapeutic. It will definitely help in reconnecting with my spirituality and continuing to work on being centred and at peace.

Thank you!

The Challenge

2009-12-28T17:37:00.001+10:30

I’m struggling a little bit today. Not with peaceful thoughts in general, but with persistent, compulsive thoughts in my most challenging area. Food.

Fortunately for my health, and unfortunately for my ‘in the moment’ sanity, I can’t indulge. So, this is my opportunity to try and conquer instead.

Step One – come to this blog!

Step Two – take the dog for a walk.

Step Three – look at things in a different way.

Thinking of this as a challenge somehow puts a different aspect on it.
A challenge! Aha! I like the concept.

I don’t have a competitive nature very much, but I may just be able to find it in me for this. I can feel my eyes tightening, my adrenalin starting to pump and my mind going “you wanna take me on??!!” A challenge. Hmmm. Interesting.

Off to do Step Two!

[This time it’s one of my own pictures!]

Christmas morning. Acceptance.

2009-12-25T09:55:00.001+10:30

Last time I was in the grips of thoughts that were unhealthy for me, I promised myself that I would come here first. It has taken me a little while to remember that today, but here I am.

And I am already feeling better.

As I write, I remember my goals of doing just one thing at a time. After this, I will do my hair and make up in preparation for heading out to the family Christmas dinner. Then I will do the dishes. Step by step.

Sending love to my recent activities is helping me to let go.
Saying Thank you is helping me to acknowledge that, in some way, I am trying to nurture myself and that I am thankful for being nurtured.

I am so tired today. I woke myself up early. The day is dreary. The excitement of the my most wonderful Christmas morning in many years has subdued. And I have collapsed.

But as I write this, I begin to feel peaceful. And I begin to allow myself to feel tired without guilt, but with contentment and peaceful acceptance.

And I don’t need to turn to other things for comfort. I simply accept the moment.

I am just about to sign off when I can feel my mind finding the peace. I allow it to fight. No resistance. No pushing back. The thoughts flow through me and within me. Acceptance.

A summary.

2009-12-22T18:33:00.001+10:30

My thoughts over the last couple of days have continued to evolve into peaceful ones. There have been some challenges in our household, yet I still have maintained a sense of peace throughout the shifting emotions. I am grateful.

I have been thinking about my thoughts since beginning this blog less than a week ago and feel the need to create a summary of the journey so far.

I’m beginning to connect with my serenity, calm, inner knowledge and intuition, with my centre, with Spirit.

I’m beginning to source the knowledge that I have gained over the 41 years of my life.

I’m beginning to find peace in the moment, to happily move from one task to the next, to be content in every second.

I am remembering more and more to direct love and thankfulness to the difficult thoughts and situations in my life – both current and also in releasing the recurring memories of my past.

I am remembering not to push back and strengthen the unwanted thoughts that can pervade my mind. Instead I am accepting them and being grateful for them. I can feel them beginning to take a healthy place in my life.

I like this sentence from a recent post - “Simple, pure love will always create simplicity and peace in our lives.”

Moving from one task to the next has been much easier today. Perhaps it is just the day or something in the air, maybe it’s even my biorhythms (not that I have thought about that kind of thing in many years)!! Perhaps it is that my mindset is shifting. I have enjoyed (mostly!) the jobs that I have done. It hasn’t been a struggle. Not like it was on this day! I even enjoyed cooking and that is saying something for me!!

It is a good feeling to be creating this energy around me, even if my mood isn’t one of joy!

I am grateful for this summary consolidating my peaceful thoughts.

Thank You

2009-12-20T20:50:00.001+10:30

Yesterday saw me saying thank you in my head a lot!

There were certainly thank you’s for the good things that happened. But mostly, it was thank you for the things that I’m not happy with. I thanked all these things for the role they have, and have had, in my life and for helping me become the person that I am. I thanked them for helping me to develop the good qualities that I value – compassion, understanding, inner strength, kindness, depth.

Surprisingly, I have found it relatively easy to thank the troublesome inner voice that leads me down the path I would prefer not to go. And while it is early days, I am finding that it is making a big difference. I am amazed to find myself happy with my choices no matter what they are. But more than anything, I am amazed to find that in just two days, by not pushing against that voice, my choices are changing. I am discovering that I don’t need to go down those paths. The overwhelming, irresistible compulsions are dissipating.

I have read time and time again that we continue to have the same problems until we finally learn the lessons we need to learn. I have never understood why I have continued to have the same challenges in my life. I believe now though, that this is finally the lesson I have needed to learn. To love and accept ALL that is in my life. For it is all part of my Spirit and all apart of everything.

I was feeling very physically uncomfortable performing yesterday. So I gave thanks for being allowed this experience. And suddenly, I was smiling. Oo, look what I get to experience! I am understanding more. And suddenly things were much better.

The hardest one though, was to begin thanking my head for taking me down into old old memories. You know those memories that you kick yourself about, wish had never happened, feel angry about, get upset about, memories that can be twenty, thirty years old.

I had one of those memories and I realised I was going to have to start thanking these experiences as well. Boy, was that hard. Really hard, Hugely hard!! But I did it and it was a relief. And I realised what I had learnt from that experience.

I think this particular one will keep biting me for sometime yet. There are a lot of memories!! Yet, I am grateful to have made a start.

Could it be this is one of the many understandings and aspects of knowledge floating around in my head that are finally coalescing??? Am I finally learning the important lessons of my life?

Thursday

2009-12-18T16:41:00.001+10:30

I say thank you to the voice in my head that gave me the compulsion to eat today.

I say thank you to that voice for the role it has had in my life, for helping me become the person I am today.

I send love to that voice in gratitude and peace.

One step at a time now, I get up and begin to do the things that will make our home clutter free, organised, tidy, peaceful – our home.

* Put the groceries away …
* Put up more Christmas decorations to bring the celebration of the season into our home…
* Begin, one item at a time, to prepare the spare room for the arrival of D’s Mum next week.

One step at a time, peacefully changing and growing.

I had a great appointment with Queen Naturo today (more of the details of that in our conception blog). I told her about this blog and was most surprised to find myself giving her the web address. I don’t tell anyone about my blogs!! Except D of course. Yet, she and King Acupunt know SO much about me, the ins and outs of my life, that there probably isn’t much in here she doesn’t know already!

It was great to connect with a real life person about this journey of creating peaceful thoughts and sending love and acceptance to the challenging areas of my life. And it was great to have that person respond in, not only a positive and ‘yea, I get it’ way, but to also work with it and make it better.

QN’s insight was the knowledge that if something is pushing on you and you push back, then that something will only push harder again. It is only by letting go and no longer pushing at it that you can release it.

I love the congruent way of looking at this. The same thing, but a different perspective, and suddenly it gains so much more depth! If you are reading this - Thanks QN!

Directing love towards the difficult.

2009-12-18T08:36:00.001+10:30

One step at a time this morning. One step.

Getting up. Putting my slippers on. D is making eggs for breakfast. Feed the cats. Check my email. Finding peace in the actions.

The indoor plants need watering. I don’t want to do it. Just pick up the first plant. Peace in the result.

I need to do the dishes. Ohhhhh. Just put the water in the sink. Making things clean and tidy and peaceful.

Accepting my mood. Finding peace in the cycles of life.

I was reminded today of the effect of placing love into every situation. Feeling love and gratitude for the challenges that we face in our lives. Knowing that feeling love and thankfulness for these things takes away their power and frees us from their bondage.

There are reasons for all things in our lives. Things to learn, growth to achieve. We need the hardship to achieve these lessons. But giving in to them, giving them their ultimate power, putting negative emotions into them, simply traps us into their ongoing cycle.

My goal today in trying to find peace within, is to feel love for the challenging thoughts I have. To be grateful for the role they have had in my life, to be at peace with them.

Will this fade their negative power? I believe it will. I believe it will put them to the back corner of my consciousness. Love and kindness and healthy support and caring will always come first. Simple, pure love will always create simplicity and peace in our lives.

And so it shall be.

Peaceful Jobs

2009-12-17T21:43:00.001+10:30

The first thing I have been doing toward creating peace in my life has been patiently doing jobs around the house.

I am on holidays at the moment (yipppeee!!), and there are so many things that need doing – the many jobs that you just don’t get time to do whilst working. Oftentimes I just don’t want to do some of these jobs, so the last few days I have simply been patiently and peacefully moving from one job to the next, staying in the moment and being happy with what I am doing. No rush, no obligation, staying peaceful.

It has worked well and I have gotten a lot done (although my list of things ‘to do’ seems to have gotten bigger and bigger!!). But most importantly, I have enjoyed working around the house and ‘pottering’. Some of this ‘pottering’ has been big jobs and for a couple of those I have been grateful to have had some outside help and motivation. But a lot of it has been lots of little jobs, stuff that you go ‘I’ll get to that later’. Well later is here, one later at a time!

And if I don’t get to what I had planned to do, well that’s ok, I’ll get there next time. I’ve been really happy doing it this way. At peace with it.

I am really hoping I can continue this when I do go back to work. I am working a few less hours next year and perhaps, just perhaps, I can establish a new peaceful pattern now and be able to continue with it once I am working again.

Today, however, was a non-productive day. I just couldn’t get motivated. My thoughts were not peaceful and there didn’t seem to be much I could do about it.

Next time I will turn here instead of towards other things and hope that I can change things around.

Introduction

2009-12-17T15:45:00.001+10:30

Lets get the negatives out of the way right from the start and move on to purely positives…

This is NOT a weight loss blog.
This is not a blog sourcing quotes and inspirations from outside of myself.

This is a blog for me to gather my thoughts into a healthy, healing, centered, in the moment, way of thinking.
It’s a blog for me to find serenity.
It’s a blog for me to find peace in the moment, to happily move from one task to the next, to be content in each and every second.

I’ve spent a lifetime gathering information, reading a gazillion books, having all kinds of therapy sessions and spiritual healings, attending a multitude of weight loss programs…

I’ve got information and understanding coming out of my pores!!

But, where is it all? It’s all flitting around my head somewhere, a random thought here and understanding there. But it’s not cohering.

I remember around the time that I first met D, I had found such a serenity. I loved that feeling. I want it back!!
I remember one particular instance when we first started ‘hanging out’. We were bushwalking in a most beautiful conservation park and I sat down on a wall of an old ruin, shut my eyes and felt such peace and centering. I felt so calm and in touch with my spirit, with the real me. I can feel it now simply writing about it.

This blog is about bringing these feelings into my every day life once more.
It’s about sourcing the knowledge I have absorbed.
It is about tapping in to my own inner knowledge and intuition.
It is about bringing forth the true me – calm, peaceful, in touch with my centre, my spirit, with” Spirit”.

And I know (hope!) that by doing this, my goals and dreams will come to fruition, no doubt changed along the way simply because of the journey!
I seek to conceive our child.
I seek to discover a physicality that I am happy with and comfortable in.

… To my new blog and to discovering!